You don't understand, do you? I've told you from the beginning that I am not ready but with the time passing it has become more clearly for me that the only path I deeply need to follow is the one of gaining my independence. This is me and this is how I feel. I've given too much from my soul to other people and I always ended deceived. This is one reason for this madness should stop. I'm scared to get involved now in another relationship. Another reason is that I'm a bad example for my kid. I want to show myself, to my kid and, why not, to my effin husband that I can do this and I don't need him to make my life beautiful. I can't give in anymore. I need to do things for myself. The time is passing and I can't afford to lose it anymore. I have a duty to be one of the best moms. This is one thing that mainly describes me and I don't want to screw it now. When I came here and started to write to you I was searching for a little fun because I was passing through some horrible feelings. I didn't expect things to twist like this. I feel that I've reached a moment in life when I should redefine myself and the first step is to redefine myself alone. I've traveled between this thirst for independence and the wish of being with you, every day. I had doubts every moment since than. Now I know what I want to do. I'm not ready to give in to you. I may sound crazy but I think that you had the opportunity to see that I am a little different. So this really is the end. I am determined to stop this madness right now. I'm sorry! I can't go forward. Wish you only well!
I'm not quite sure what the purpose of this thread is... HelenLP, are you alright? You seem rather distressed from your recent posts. Feel free to post your thoughts in the Random Thoughts thread or if you wanted some advice on a personal issue then make a thread for it in the Serious Chat sub-forum. No offence but this forum isn't a personal blog and this thread has been derailed pretty bad, so for those reasons I'm closing this thread.