Swallow your pride

First off: If there are spelling mistakes, please point them out.

An then: Please comment. And if you get the time, give me your own interpretation of this.


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Swallow your pride:

Walking errect,
more so than ever
we neglect
all that's been severed

Our pride
surpresses our fear,
as our wounds
grow far too severe

Walking errect,
chin held high
spreading my wings,
as I reach for the sky

We're too blind
to see the hole/
/The grave we dug,
devours our souls

We're too blind
to see the hole/
/The grave we dug,
swallows us whole

Walking errect,
more so than ever
we neglect
all that's been severed​

 

I like this.

It's prefect. It kinda represent how I feel right now.

I just would like for it to be a little more longer. To just incorporate more lines and other ideas.

Great job, Chris

 

Pretty good, though it could be longer. Just my Thoughts.

EW​

 

Yeah I like it too. Good job

 

it's very nice. i like how these people with pride are described to be naive as well.

 

Thank you very much for feedback...as for the comments on how it could be longer, I understand how it may seem too short, but I'd rather have a short poem/lyric, that I'm satisfied with, than something really long and have 2-3 verses that I basically "forced". I've done enough of that in past poems. It just doesn't work.

 

true to that. it's better short than over the top and distracting. sometimes a sense of dissatisfaction is also voluntarily implied.