Shedding Schisms Shedding skin at sunset I succumb to my subconscious And sell my soul to stimulate Sullen and subdued senses Savoring sensations, as I spiral Into a sea of self-loathing Where the severed serpent speaks of The gold within my shadow Starving for control, I slither into The sanctuary of self-reproach Safe from the sacrifice required To heal the schisms
Very nice! I believe this one's about drug addiction, or something like that...I'm probably wrong. But just three verses? Seems kind of broken, but maybe that's me. I advise you to keep writing and keep up the good work.
Three verses was all I could think of using alliteration for the letter S. Also, I thought more then three verses of alliteration might get annoying. You are not wrong in guessing what it's about. Whatever someone thinks about when they read it, then that's what it's about. Certainly I had ideas in mind when writing it, but after it's written and presented, then it's really whatever the reader or the audience thinks.
Very nice. Highly reminds of me of Silent Hill: Homecoming, the game for some odd reason (creatures are called schisms and the whole self denial and depression state interlinks with the story of the guy you play as). But on the other end of the rope I can't help but to shake my head as most poems around are about the same thing, so maybe next poem a lighter theme to it? Nonetheless it's great, and like my_december said, only three verses? And yes, it does seem a bit short.
Very well done. Nevermind that it is short, it's the shortness that kept this poem from spoiling it's message. It's creative, well said and very true. Awesome poem. : ) It does seem to have a... hint towards drug addiction. So sad, but reality is as such.