This is a song that i made up in my head, so i hope it still sounds good to all fo you who read it. this has been slightly edited, but i like it the way it is and editing it too much would change the whole thing. shedding my humanity I am only a shadow, Of the man that I once was, Lost in a world that, Didn’t care for love, I soon was consumed by, All the despair and hate, Shedding my humanity, For something that seemed more great. God please save me from the, Pits of hell before I, Lose my humanity, No wait I, Lost that long ago. Once i was human, A person with a heart, But the evil dwelling inside me, Soon tore that apart, You couldn’t call me human, For a monster’s what I am, Now this is my punishment, For destroying what was man. God please save me from the, Pits of hell before I, Lose my humanity, No wait I, Lost that long ago. Unleashing the devil, That lay dormant inside, May have given me power, But made me lose my mind, Now I see the mistake, Of awaking what lay inside, And I deserve this punishment, Oh God kill me one more time. God don’t save me I don’t, Want your forgiveness don’t show, Mercy or passion I will, Perish, Perish all alone.
God don’t save me I don’t, Want your forgiveness don’t show, Mercy or passion I will, Perish, Perish all alone. I like that a lot. That is how I feel.
As a whole it's not too bad. The first verse reminds me a little of mudvayne. The chorus, in my opinion, could use a little work, but it's alright how it is. The 2nd verse I didn't like so much, but I did like the last 2 lines of it. The 3rd verse is pretty damn good, and then of course the last bit you know how I feel already. All in all, could use a little work, but it's pretty good how you have it now.
Would you mind if I were to take this and tweak it to fit my own interest? If you don't want me to that's fine but I have an idea and I'd like to see how it would turn out... Don't worry, I wont steal your poem and I'll post the other 'version' here. I just want to mess around with this because I'm bored. Would that be ok with you?
hey, that sounds interesting. you know I post here too, so why don't you try to do that with some of my poems? well, I guess I'll have to wait til you're boared again By the way D_A_V_I_D, great song. Good work, man!
I only do this with certain poems that I feel i could work with/express myself with. I've never seen anything like that in your poems, sorry. @D_A_V_I_D - I finished my interpretation. Just waiting for you to O.K. its posting.
I only do this with certain poems that I feel i could work with/express myself with. I've never seen anything like that in your poems, sorry. @D_A_V_I_D - I finished my interpretation. Just waiting for you to O.K. its posting. [/b][/quote] ok, i get you. dont worry, perhaps someday you'll find something you like inside my poems, even if that's not you. I'd really like to hear your interpretation for D_A_V_I_D's poem. can't wait!
AWSOME! Here it is: Thank you so much for giving me permission to do this. It was a very fun little project.
i like your version. still i like mine cause of the tune i can hear it to in my head. if you would like i can wirte out some basic music. i dont know tab, only proper music. and ud have to give me a day or 2 to do it
Don't go out of your way to do something you don't feel like doing. However if you want to I'd gladly listen.
I've told you before and I think I neednt tell you again that you are awesome take ny words seriously, start looking someone who can publish your stuff(I bet there will be many who are waiting for people like you),and hey after you get published do send me a free complimentary copy of your book :whistle:
LOL hey guys im only 14, dont need money yet anyway, ive lost the music writting program on my comp so i can't be bothard doing it now. SORRY but i will be updating the words on this song so keep an eye out.
Holy shit!!! I totally agree. Well, in fact, I believe we must respect the fact that he doesn't want to share his stuff with all those people (if this is true). But you dont need to do this just for the money, i mean, i really admire you as a writer and you know that. But many people could feel identified with your poems. besides, you're a great writer man! just think about it. I could use a free copy as well...