this is really my first attempt at writing something... i mean, i have done it before but not with so much effort... for some reason, i'm getting interested in writing poems now... i hope you like it and tell me where i can improve because i am hoping to create more in the future... ---------- seven years yesterday i spoke unclear, resentful feelings the feelings were real the words were harsh misdirected and fake today, i will avoid mirrors. today i spoke unclear, resentful feelings i dreamt of death of the end of never climbing back up again tomorrow, i will avoid mirrors. tomorrow, i will speak unclear, resentful feelings the feelings will be real the words will be harsh misdirected and fake my mirror will break. ---------- so yeah... any comments??
I really like the concept behind it, as well as that yesterday, today, tomorrow, structure, but you should try some different words and phrases in your next songs. But a great effort for your first try!
YAY!!! you didnt eat me alive... sorry if it is confusing... that's just me... i'm weird... very, very, very weird... but THANKYOU!! just what i wanted... yeah...
wow dude!!! [heya mullet! ^^] that was really good.. not completely confusing.. but yeah.. i like your concept! [why didnt you tell me you wrote a poem! first its Karrot and now you?? =_= i feel so betrayed.. hehe.. jks jks] anywho.. its good.. and yar.. the tomorrow, yesterday.. and today thingy [great typing dee..=_=] is kewl.. anywho.. hope you do make more.. [practice makes perfection.. ] moOo..^^
aww... THANK YOU!! i mean, thanx... being the 'hip' thing to say with today's youth... i'm weird. i'm glad it wasn't so confusing for you... i guess you are as weird as me...