Sense of Confidence

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Will, Sep 16, 2003.

  1. #1
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    This is the first poem I've written in a while. It started out as a regular poem with just the verses that I wrote, but I realized that I was using a portion of "Crawling," so I decided to use Mike's short rap from the verses in "Crawling" and use them as the chorus of my poem-turned-song. The chorus would be whispered. Read and respond.

    Sense of Confidence

    verse:
    I’m sitting here inside my broken mind
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’ve lost something I can never find
    It’s leaving me alone in suspense

    chorus:
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take

    verse:
    The fear in me runs so deep inside
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m running out of time to bide
    And I’m ruining my only chance

    chorus:
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take

    verse:
    Frozen deep in thought here now
    Without a sense of confidence
    I need to tell her but don’t know how
    I’m sorry if I’m seeming dense

    chorus:
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take

    verse:
    My thoughts break me down deep
    Without a sense of confidence
    I pray thee Lord my soul too keep
    If I die going through this mess

    chorus:
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take

    verse:
    My mind is broken, so unstable
    Without a sense of confidence
    This is like a paperback fable
    Where you’re just left in suspense

    chorus:
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take
    Without a sense of confidence
    I’m convinced that there’s just
    Too much pressure to take
    There’s just too much pressure to take...
     
  2. #2
    Trumtram

    Trumtram Well-Known Member

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    the lyrics are really cool. but i think u shouldnt put it in order as a song. u have to many stanzas and the chorus comes in way to often i think. what u did with mikes verse is just great, i really like it. you could try to put stanzas together, or cut out some stanzas of ur song. and i personally dont like it if someone rhymes 2 words moe than 1 time, but i think thats just me. :)
     
  3. #3
    Anthony.

    Anthony. .Orestes LPA Super VIP

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    Yeah as Trumtram said you should put some verses together, but it's really good :D .
     
  4. #4
    Metamorphosiss

    Metamorphosiss Well-Known Member

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    It sounds good. I love it!
     

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