Rise From The Ashes

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Jamie, May 4, 2005.

  1. #1
    Jamie

    Jamie Super Member LPA Super Member

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    She rises from her early grave
    The ashes fall from her flames
    Earsed smile from her face
    Smudged feelings, cant replavce

    These torn feelings
    Staring straight through
    Have no hope
    Lead us to death

    Casu...casualty
    Casu...casualty
     
  2. #2
    fallenangel

    fallenangel Well-Known Member

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    mmm... i think this would be good if you extended it more. it's kinda short. this first part is really good and if you wrote a couple more verses to go with it, it would be a good poem. ;)
     
  3. #3
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    NIce, really nice. SOme poems are ment to be short and although this is really great i feel that it could be better if it was a bit longer. Keep writting, extend it if you have time or feel like it. A completely amazing poem waiting to be uncovered
     
  4. #4
    arT saveS

    arT saveS Y2K

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    It's good, but I do agree with both fallenangel and D_A_V_I_D that it would be better if you extended it. It seems your talented in writing though, it probably wouldn't be a problem. Just remember what you write is yours, and if you like how it is now, than it's perfect. :)
     
  5. #5
    Jamie

    Jamie Super Member LPA Super Member

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    I get what you mean. But its lyrics to a song I'm writing..I dont really like the second verse. I think I'll change it to go with the first. But yeah...

    Thanks all the same :)
     
  6. #6
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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    Nice work.
     

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