restricted

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by fallenangel, Apr 8, 2005.

  1. #1
    fallenangel

    fallenangel Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2005
    Messages:
    623
    Likes Received:
    0



    forgive the title but i can never think of one that fits the poems!
    anyway, here goes...

    why do you get so mad
    when i speak to another
    you don't love me
    so why do you bother?

    you don't need me
    here in your life
    but i think that
    you like all the fights

    why else would you go
    on an on at me
    god leave me alone
    just leave me please!

    stop looking at me that way
    cause you give me that chill
    but i guess you must like it
    cause it gives you a thrill

    my blood runs cold
    and my heart turns to stone
    every time now
    that you enter the room
     
  2. #2
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    2



    Nice, the flow was good, and the no rhyming was really good ;) .
    I felt the lines where a little short. i like to at least see 4 words per line but this is just personal preferance.

    Good meaning and an all round good poem.

    UMM for the title. lets see.

    How you turned my heart to stone. a bit long but oh well

    ps what do u think of my new aviator
     
  3. #3
    MeLiS_

    MeLiS_ Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2005
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0



    i think u meant avatar.. lol
    i like it!!

    this one is really nice ^_^ ^_^
     
  4. #4
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    2



    i think u meant avatar.. lol
    i like it!!

    this one is really nice ^_^ ^_^ [/b][/quote]
    same thing :whistle:

    i cant spell, get over it lol
     
  5. #5
    fallenangel

    fallenangel Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2005
    Messages:
    623
    Likes Received:
    0



    avatar very cool!

    again this just tumbled out and i just kind of go with it. but with practice my lines should get longer.

    i guess i am still finding my flow :blush:
     
  6. #6
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    2,190
    Likes Received:
    1



    Avatar looking good.
     
  7. #7
    Il inno di morte

    Il inno di morte A noi si schiude il ciel...

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Messages:
    1,469
    Likes Received:
    4



    yeah, you are absolutely right. I can feel the talent inside you. please never give up, cuz you may make lots of people feel identified with your lines. keep going! ;)

    by the way, david, your avatar rocks!!! :thumbsup:
     
  8. #8
    ahamLP

    ahamLP Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2004
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    0



    well i guess this is not as good as your previous poems(nobody can be consitent all the time),but believe me you are extrmely talented who can write what your feelings are,so I look forward to more of your stuff.
     

Share This Page