A year? I'm so sorry. My friend killed himself back in April and I'm thinking about it every second. I'm sorry you carried that grief for so long now. I'm not sure what the process is or how to get over it. I think it just comes with acceptance. In my case, I feel like I neglected my friend because I knew he was lonely and I was one of the few people who'd actually visit and spend time with him. If I paid more attention or spent time talking to him, he might still be here. I hope you can go back to your uncle's house and be ok with your memories of him. It's not a process you can rush. You'll know when you're ready
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, it's a real sad event that takes time to accept and that's the only thing you can do for yourself: give yourself time, time to remember him and heal. What I've learnt about suicides is that most people who strongly decide to do it won't listen to anybody. No matter what you think you could've done, talked to him more, if he had decided to do it you wouldn't be able to help. Those people can't see anything positive in life, their mind is like a narrow tunnel and no matter what anyobody says they are stuck in their own personal hell and just want out. I know it sounds really harsh but what I'm trying to say is that people always think they could have done more (it's the same for my uncle- I should've urged him to go to the doctor as soon as the symptoms appeared, we should've taken him to the US) when their loved one dies but it's like walking in circles and then you find yourself going deeper and deeper into depression. Try to remember him by something good he did, good times you had spent together. It'll take time, write a journal if it helps you, but you'll get to a better place evetually.
I know everyone says that even after college, it's the high school friends that you'll still be closer to. But for some reason I feel differently. You see, I have my small group of friends (we're five guys) that I've been close with since preschool days. We'd hang out every vacation time, have playdates, and watch movies together. We were tight even until high school. We went to different colleges, so we rarely saw each other, but had our trusty years-old Facebook chat. But I noticed something towards the end of our high school years. You see, our interests...diverged. What they liked and their hobbies became different (not really drastically) and when I started speaking about what I was interested in, they kinda listened to me, but it really looked like they were doing it out of obligation for being their close friend. I mean, sure we still like hanging out together, we know each other more than anyone else, they're always willing to listen, and they always invite me for nights out and all, but it just feels like we're going in opposite directions. The other day, they were talking about the specs of their gadgets, the cars they're looking at, the shoes they're digging, the games they're playing...and for the first time in a while, I felt that, well I didn't belong in a way. Meanwhile, I met a bunch of friends in college that I've equally opened up to and I realize share similar interests with me, and/or people who think differently than me but our personalities just...clicked in a way. Even those who have completely no interest in what I liked felt like people I liked hanging out more. I felt like I belonged, and I didn't need to change who I was nor did I have to keep some of my thoughts secret. I'm a senior in college now, and I end up opening up more to them than to my old high school buddies. When I hang out with my old group, it does feel like old times, and our conversations are lively, but not as lively nor interesting as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, I love the bros, and they really care about me as I care about them, but I just feel like extra baggage compared to the new friends I have. I don't know. I just felt like I needed to let this out. (btw I don't think this is Venting Out Thread material; it's more lighter than that, so I felt this was a better avenue for that haha)