Random Chuck Norris Facts

Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by Neil, Nov 19, 2005.

  1. #1
    Neil

    Neil Super Duper Member LPA Super Member

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    Made up by people on the internet, not real facts...these are freaking hilarious!

    edit - Link is always good. http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

    "Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf."
     
  2. #2
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement."

    That was hella funny


    "After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".


    Now, that's proabby the second more funniest thing ever"
     
  3. #3
    Mechanical Christ

    Mechanical Christ Ein heißer Schrei LPA Super Member

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    Holy shit :lol:
     
  4. #4
    Aaron

    Aaron Foundation LPA Super Member

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    "One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris."

    That has got to be the best "fact" out of them all.
     
  5. #5
    Minus

    Minus ohai LPA Addicted VIP

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    TRUE fact: I teach Chuck Norris' grandson Tae Kwon Do.

    And his wife is WAY more outspoken than the man himself.
     
  6. #6
    Branden

    Branden hey! LPA Super Member

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    Couldn't Chuck Norris teach his own grandson Tae-Kwon-Do, or is he just too lazy?
     
  7. #7
    Amanda.

    Amanda. Well-Known Member

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    Do you really?
     
  8. #8
    Omar

    Omar Administrator LPA Super Member

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    Can Chuck Norris have sex?
     
  9. #9
    Neil

    Neil Super Duper Member LPA Super Member

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    Yeah, Chuck is like a world champion..
     
  10. #10
    Friskey™

    Friskey™ LPA Super Member LPA Addict

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    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    :lol: GOLD.
     
  11. #11
    Matt

    Matt Official Ghost of the LPA LPA Super Member

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    No, he's too busy beating the shit out of goats.

    "Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs."
     
  12. #12
    Mark

    Mark Canadian Beauty LPA Administrator

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    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

    :lol:!
     
  13. #13
    Chris.

    Chris. LPA Super Member Über Member

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    Haha, I remember discovering the Vin Diesel one last year. Hilarious shit.
     
  14. #14
    Branden

    Branden hey! LPA Super Member

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    Chuck Norris started riding a Segway to work during filming of Season 2 of Walker Texas Ranger, a full ten years before the Segway was “invented.” Rather than a wheel on each side, his featured 30, 1/3 sized replicas of his legs arranged in a radial pattern, effectively roundhouse kicking any terrain he encountered.
    :lol:
     
  15. #15
    Minus

    Minus ohai LPA Addicted VIP

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    He teaches a form of Karate.

    And feels that his grandson should get a varied mix of martial arts.

    Not to mention it's really up to Chuck's son, who is also a nice person, BTW.

    And Dante (grandson) definitely gets something from Chuck.
     
  16. #16
    Dean

    Dean LPA Super Member LPA Addict

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    "If the Hebrew equivalent of Vin Diesel's name is ever spoken aloud, the sun will go dark and "The Pacifier" DVD sales will skyrocket."

    LMAO.
     
  17. #17
    Will

    Will bread crumbs & white stones LPA Addicted VIP

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    "Chuck Norris is his own father."

    That one goes well with this one:

    "Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did."

    Contradictive statements are amazing! :lol:
     
  18. #18
    Paul

    Paul The Ultimate Victory LPA Super Member

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    The funniest one is...

    "Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress."
     

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