Poem

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Alacrity, Jul 13, 2003.

  1. #1
    Alacrity

    Alacrity don't stop talking to me; i haven't been listening LPA Super Member

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    This is a poem i wrote in March..it may not be perfect but i added sum LP titles so n e good critisism helps!!! :p


    Your like a Papercut Crawling underneath my skin
    I dont know where you start..or where to begin
    You leave me in mysteries gone before your there
    But I feel you with me like I feel the air
    The sound of life rushing into me brings me back
    I dont know you but I do maybe your just telling lies
    But i dont want to trust you cause i get so lost in your eyes
    When im with you
    Whispering
    i talk about fears that uprise
    I'm not Breaking The Habit i'm letting you in
    In the End you know you'll win
    I dont know why cant tell how
    But I think i just fell in love with my best friend...wow



    PS the best friend is a boy :teehee:

    Please rate...C&C helps!!
     
  2. #2
    Terry

    Terry Yeah, but I wish you were my shadow. LPA Super Member

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    I give it a 7/10. Good use of words. Needs to be a bit longer though.
     
  3. #3
    Jawknee

    Jawknee Guest




    Not to be mean, but I don't understand this poem. :mellow:

    Lines like these confuse me:
    I dont know why cant tell how


    ?
     
  4. #4
    Alacrity

    Alacrity don't stop talking to me; i haven't been listening LPA Super Member

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    Thanks linkinparkgurl...yeah i know it needs to be longer...

    And Jawknee...its ok if you dont understand it.


    :mike: :joe: :rob: :phoenix: :chaz: :brad: ~ Luv em all!
     
  5. #5
    Jamie

    Jamie Super Member LPA Super Member

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    I would like to rate this but I can't understand it. Please re-write it so people can understand it
     

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