Poem I wrote

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by my_december, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. #1
    my_december

    my_december Well-Known Member

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    This is a poem I wrote a while ago. I intend for this to be one of three or four poems that will connect together to tell a story....or something. Feel free to laugh, cry, do a handstand, whatever :p Feel free to also critique, praise, insult, belittle....you understand.

    Anyway:

    Heart of November

    And as the curtain rose
    Inviting in the new dawn
    I surveyed the fields of thought
    Another day to descend
    Another day to commence
    Another night held sway in my soul

    My bleeding heart still bearing the
    weight
    The weight of your glance
    In the candlelight's flicker
    Your voice like a moonbeam in
    shadows
    Rising, rising above the miasma
    Defying me to look again
    Another would accept all
    To gain the wild rose that had
    borne the caress of my gaze
    That had cursed me by mere
    happenstance
    When the dusk was dressing for
    fall of night
    I was compelled to go on
    No fond whisper, but a sigh

    No other name spoke that
    could lift me higher
    No other portrait that could
    raise the veil
    None other than she of the
    fathomless grace
    What is left, but emptiness
    within this shell?

    Haunted sleep had crept in to close
    my eyes
    No dreams to come but you at my
    side
    No day brighter than if you were
    near
    No night darker than this that is
    here
     
  2. #2
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    I really enjoyed the ending, and it had a fairly good start.

    but.

    The middle body was kinda... tough to read? IT wasn't like "WHOA" it was like "hmm oh!"

    :) Good poem overall. The start and end really made it worth a read.
     
  3. #3
    my_december

    my_december Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your response! I guess the middle part is a little hard to read, but I was trying to make it sound a little more poetic. I guess it's poetic. I don't consider myself to be such, but I try anyway :D
     

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