She says she's sad and has nothing to do All she says is, "I want to see you." I have somewhere to go today But she screams for me to stay I wish that I could see her now But this lack of touch has brought her down I really don't know what to do I can't even say, "I love you." She's sad And upset And has nothing to do She's mad But unprepared "Why can't I see you?" I've gone a long way down But everytime I look around I fall down to the ground Because all she wants is to see me now I try to avoid sad conversation But she brings us down without hesitation She crys and says she can't take much more Then why does she fall for things for? She's sad And upset And has nothing t do She's mad But unprepared "Why can't I see you? I've gone a long way down But everytime I look around I fall down to the ground Because all she wants is to see me now I can't live It's too much I can't take much more I'm done It has ceased. What am I living for? I've gone now too far down And now whenever I look around I feel like falling to the ground And it's me who wants to see her now - - - This is definitely not my best work. But comments are appreciated.
I felt that you used the word sad too often. Some variation in words that still ment sad would have been more appealing in my opinion. The whole poem was too focused in my opinion, it felt like you were stating the same thing over and over again in different words. It was alright, but nowhere near your best.
Not one of your best, yeah, but it's still worth reading, you did good. I didn't really understand the storyline, but I got the main points, I think.