Neighboring States

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Darcy, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. #1
    Darcy

    Darcy LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    This is part of a concept album I'm writing about a man named Seamus who wears a chicken suit.

    Neighboring States

    Couldn't change our minds
    Without crossing the state lines
    Your goals were so high
    They were skyscrapers to mine
    You had so much to take
    I took the fire escape
    But now that I'm gone
    I don't know how to stay away

    You could say that our love was like neighboring states
    We had fault lines and stop signs and well hidden hate
    And all answers to problems were always the same
    If you can't tell a lie you'll have nothing to say

    Couldn't tell the time
    Cause I'm braindead to timelines
    And all goals were a mess
    Couldn't stay in the outlines
    You were so far ahead
    And I just stayed in bed
    Now I can't see past
    The halo on your head

    You could say that our love was like neighboring states
    We had everything planned but you just couldn't wait
    And I know that I tried but I couldn't relate
    So what with your problems, why am I to blame?

    End

    Remember: I like constructive critisizm.
     
  2. #2
    heshboy

    heshboy Well-Known Member

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    "Couldn't change our minds
    Without crossing the state lines"


    If you take out "the" in the second line it will flow nice.

    I loved the rest of it, that one letter just wouldn't sit straight in my mind, because I am ahead of time. B)
     
  3. #3
    Darcy

    Darcy LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    If I take out that word, it wont fit in the vocal melody. Thanks for the advice, though. ^_^

    And thanks soo much for reading!
     
  4. #4
    notneo

    notneo Well-Known Member

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    I like the chorus four lines youve got going .
     

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