My Misery. hold it down inside (just this once) hold it down and cry (till it’s begun) breathe it into me (freeze my soul) hold it down for me (make me cold) scream and separate the pain and the hurt, tear it open to find my blood in this dirt. locked and twisted in this story, rip it out of me, my misery. see me once again (just this once) please just let it rain (till it’s begun) suck it out of me (freeze my soul) hold it down for me (make me cold) slither the fingers to carve away run all the dust out of my face, dig the soil, have it buried, funeral for my best, my misery. ______________________________________ i have nothing to say for this piece...i hate it, i kinda like it. i don't know how it sounds when you read it, because when i read it, it comes out with a sort of tune. this piece is my first piece of what i would call the "mystery pieces". things that i can't myself decide what i have made. so give me your comments. tell me what you think. critisism will be appreciated.
Hm...I can't say I am really feeling this piece. It is definitely a new style for you, and I applaud experimentation indefinitely, but I think this might be more a sign of growing pains. I didn't mind the "choruses" (if you can all them that), but the other verses seemed a little...off. I don't mean to be negative or anything.
yeh, growing pains indeed. i don't really know what i focussed at in this poem, the form? the rhyme? the emotion? i have no idea.