my first poem...

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Arhaz, May 7, 2004.

  1. #1
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    Memories

    Discomfort flooded in the blankness,
    Eyes shut, nerve wrecking,
    The thoughts of remembrance,
    So much of me, consuming
    These feelings, embarrassment,
    You're memories, fantasizing
    The wishes I knew were not
    To be true/yet memorizing
    Those times that you let me down,
    Frowns, with you're satisfaction
    Applauding, appealing to me
    My sense of regret,
    Forget it, its lost, deserted,
    Creeping on me, what you did,
    Feeding upon what's left,
    Dedicating, my life to you're threat,
    In this world of revenge,
    One on one, my mistakes
    Pulverizing me, teaching me,
    I refused to learn, the lie,
    Falsehood, but it all comes back to
    You're defeating memory.

    please guys...if u hate it tell me..i'll try n improve...n if u like it tell me...i'll be on cloud nine!!! :rawk: rock on!!!
     
  2. #2
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    just edit those numbers...don't know how they get in there! :blush:
     
  3. #3
    Leones

    Leones Super Member LPA Super Member

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    it's nice work, but maybe you should edit the strange numbers cuz it's a bit confusing and makes a block in the reading of it. Great work ^_^
     
  4. #4
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    i like it ^_^ , but...yeah i think you already know what i'm going to say...those numbers :blink: .....translate please... :unsure:
     
  5. #5
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    well....
    i guess here is more!
    _________________________________


    A cold breeze swept my thought,
    My heart sank/and I didn't breathe,
    Lay there, stuck, caught/ in the darkness,
    Yet I didn't breathe;

    Myself, hollow now,
    I just couldn';t see,
    What was this happening, how?
    No, this wasn't me;

    And finally;I realized
    Fate had played with me,
    I was despised,
    I realized,
    Yet I couldn't be me,
    This is what you thought of me,
    You left, no we,
    Just pathetic me.

    I shuddered in the blank /loneliness,
    Created confusion dawned on me,
    Reminding me, my carelessness
    Consuming, feeding, breathlessly

    I shut my eyes in the darkness,
    No taking, no giving
    With none to pretend,
    This wasn't the way it was
    Suppose to be,
    You weren't there,
    And the hollowness,
    And forgotten me
    _____________________________________

    ur comments please!!!
     
  6. #6
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    (w00t) !!!!!
    This is Good stuff dude!
    I like your work a lot
    Keep up the good work :thumbsup:
     
  7. #7
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    you are real supportive! thanks a ton! ^_^
     
  8. #8
    Leones

    Leones Super Member LPA Super Member

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    your getting better and better! like my sis said, 'Keep up the good work.' (w00t)
     
  9. #9
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    I like especially your poems cuz' they're so depressing, i say this in a good way. I like drama. :thumbsup: ^_^
     
  10. #10
    Casual D

    Casual D I WON'T BE YOUR CASUAL D. LPA Administrator

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    Please do not double post, the edit button is there for a reason.
     
  11. #11
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    Please do not double post, the edit button is there for a reason. [/b][/quote]
    Sorry :blush:
     
  12. #12
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    yet another.... :lol:

    Hollow touch

    It seemed as if it were not so long before,
    Not so long ago, when the memories tore
    Most of my thought; tore through most of me
    No contemplation, no consideration,
    Of what your reminiscences made of me,
    Not really bleeding, so you couldn't see,
    What I am was not to be.

    I could see you, in the blank visions,
    Could see myself, see throughout the apparitions,
    Could hear the shout, the yell of pain,
    Nothing to regain, all in vain
    Went down the stairs, cruised through my dreams,
    A cold stroke caught hold of me,
    Gripped in fear, so familiar,
    This hollow touch of yours
    Is my only cure.
     
  13. #13
    Atsuzen

    Atsuzen Super Member LPA Super Member

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    I like how it rhymes ... ^_^

    You're getting better at it. Continue writing!
     
  14. #14
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    wOOt wOOt wOOt, god i dunno how you do it every time :eek:
    But it's really good, believe me ^_^
     
  15. #15
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks soooo much!!!!

    well....guess what....another!

    My abilities

    It doesn't matter if you count me out,
    Doesn't matter if you shout out loud,
    For I've been told that there's a
    Silver lining to every cloud.
    It ain't no doubt you may be special
    My traits, unlike, aren't sensual,
    Your grab's not gonna let me go,
    I've found that out so I'm lying low.
    Your feedback, don't need it no more,
    I've seen you through and I've seen your core,
    You snatch away, you also lure
    You lie in your pit; you've lost your cure.

    Remember, I may not seem all that strong,
    My abilities are lighter, atleast they help cope
    With all your wrong, and they destine me
    To write this song.

    I can wait for tomorrow,
    To mock you with my very own sorrow,
    You'll be surprised and mesmerized
    You'll realize, I'm not your lies anymore.
    My hopes, they'll hold on, showing
    One day I'll be where you are, throwing
    All that you've put inside, you'll see
    My abilities will make the better of me.
     
  16. #16
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Yay, give me more frustrations!!! :p :lol:

    It must be bored for you, to read my comments everytime :D
    But hey, can't help it, your poems are Great!
    Just keep going :)
     
  17. #17
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    no really, u inspire me to write more....atleast someone responds....thanks a ton!!!
     
  18. #18
    Leones

    Leones Super Member LPA Super Member

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    hehe, here's my prommissed post. Ok, I love your poems!!!




    no, serious I really love your writings, keep up the great work! (w00t)
     
  19. #19
    Anya

    Anya Lost LPA Super VIP

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    Wow, you're really good for a beginner! You're even better than me.
     
  20. #20
    Tomi

    Tomi   LPA Addict

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    Wow. Amazing; you keep improving after each poem.

    You are very skilled unlike me.
    Lucky kid. :)
     

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