Writing: minuteforce's writings thread

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by minuteforce, Jul 29, 2014.

  1. #21
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    THE BOILER ROOM
    you and i,
    we're both getting so sick
    both feeling used
    
    i can't work out how to solve our problems.
    i just don't have it in me
    and i can't admit that to you.
    (not like i need to)
    you'd enjoy it too much.
    
    we're wasting each other.
    
    you're admitting this to yourself too late,
    now that we've closed ourselves off
    and left our shadows behind to cover it up
    
    i know how much you resent me.
    keep going.
    i won't let it stop.
    all i can do right now is ruin you;
    it's the only option left to me
    but i know that it isn't worth the cost.
    
    soon, it will all boil over.
    it'll end somehow or another ...
    
    what you're hearing right now
    is just the wall of static rising
    while you wait for one of us to snap
     
  2. #22
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    i felt the switch flip
    
    something primal is rearing up inside
    can't string the words together
    to make myself believe
    
    try and get me to give in
    see if you succeed
    it should at least be fun to watch
    
    i just want to forget how i wound up here
    and why i can't pull myself out
    i'll take anything
    
    i can feel my mind
    scrambling for something
    anything
    just to latch onto and devour
    
    anything but this
    
    but everything's so damn urgent now
    nothing is ever enough
    we just lose without warning
    
    my head is racing
    i had everything locked up tight
    but, now, it's all melting and blurring together
    
    there are no fixes,
    just the craving;
    just the void that can't be filled
    i'll race you
     
  3. #23
    polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    i'll race you

    That caught me off-guard, haha. Beautiful stuff minuteforce.
     
  4. #24
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    SHALLOW END
    things were so different not that long ago
    weren't they?
    
    it's all beyond my control, right?
    i feel like i've had a part in it all
    throughout the years
    and it sickens me.
    
    i was part of that facade
    
    a wash of faded colours
    a sea of empty faces
    hollow laughter ringing around the room
    
    i could never immerse myself like i should have
    because none of it was real
    not that i had any understanding then;
    i just held still
    played my part
    distracted us all
    
    but, then, we stayed on course;
    i know that from looking back at our old selves.
    i can see the similarities,
    the things that still haven't changed,
    everything that we're still holding onto
    
    it weighs heavy on me.
    
    on all of us.
    
    we had our problems, like anyone else
    but i never had any idea
    until it was far too late.
    
    this is what we were hiding the whole time
    
    burdened with things that we could never create,
    we've become all the things that we swore not to be
    waiting it out in the shallow end
    because we're all cowards.
    
    nothing's going to come and pull us out
    and drowning's just not our thing
     
  5. #25
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    ECTOPLASM 1
    you appear in my head
    like clockwork
    revert all the changes
    all the understanding
    and the empathy that i'd gained,
    i lose it all
    feel enlightened again
    around and around
    
    always fail to realise
    that the feeling will just come back,
    stronger this time
    
    all of the vices
    that i never thought i would need again,
    they all come back into play
    
    the promises i made are irrelevant.
    we both knew that i would fail.
    my conviction ebbs and flows
    no room for absolutes
    
    i couldn't remember how any of it felt
    but it's all coming back to me now
    
    this feeling of emptiness
    is the only real thing i've got;
    i guess that i can't go that long without
     
  6. #26
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    ECTOPLASM 2
    rising and falling
    so shallow
    so heartless
    i'll hurt almost anyone
    to get back through
    even just a glimpse of something different
    something new and shiny -
    
    see, i thought that you were different,
    thought that you kept changing
    but you've always been the same.
    we're both so fucking redundant
    we should just exist in our own little pocket
    that's what we deserve, really
    the world doesn't need me
    never did
    
    having control becomes useless.
    even while i don't let you speak,
    you tell me too much
    
    you know, i get so scared
    that maybe i'm just staring at a mirror
    seeing myself for what i really am
    it's a crazy thought
    but it's persistent ...
    
    anyway, you leave me disappointed
    over and over again
    but that never means anything.
    you have no incentive to impress me
    there's nothing for you to gain
    and, besides,
    you know that i'll always be back anyway
     
  7. #27
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    I LOVE ANOTHER
    i don't need your fucking prevention.
    
    i'm holding myself back all too well
    
    hurting over things that never should've touched me
    i failed to keep my distance
    or i should've been more involved ...
    
    it doesn't matter.
    least of all to you.
    so don't kid yourself
    claiming that you have my best interests at heart.
    
    i can't accept your help
    (or whatever it is that you're offering)
    when i don't know who you really are anymore.
    you have so many faces
    and so many of them resent me
    without end
    
    but, even when i put that aside,
    i don't know how i let you do this to me.
    how was i driven to this?
    why has this dug so deep into my mind?
    
    it doesn't matter.
    least of all to you.
     
  8. #28
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    CHOLO
    i had stability for just that one moment.
    it's gone now
    and there's no way that i can stop myself
    from relentlessly trying to get it back
    
    i won't be okay
    
    we won't get even with each other.
    it won't stop you from lying again.
    won't stop us from fighting
    
    whatever it is that we want for ourselves
    there's no way it will ever work.
    
    i can't make you happy
    and i can't do anything at all for myself
    
    i just want to bow out of the battle
    in the least-painful way possible
    and, if i manage,
    i'll finally stop caring about who wins
    because you'll have won
    and i won't be there to feel the loss
    so everything will be alright,
    in a twisted way ...
    
    but, just as you've always made me out to be,
    i'm nothing but a terrified child
    cowering in the corner
     
  9. #29
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    EFFIGY
    pushing and pulling back
    we corrupt each other at every turn
    tiny strokes
    pointless gestures
    that still mean way too much
    because i have so little.
    
    it's come to this
    
    because i have nowhere else to turn
    and there's no-one i can tell
    and there's no-one i can blame
    so i take it out on
    you
    
    the only thing close to a real outlet that i've got
    
    i'm in a dark place
    hearing my shattered voice
    bouncing off the walls that you inhabit
    
    i have a need to damage something
    anything
    and all i have is this effigy of you
    that will never see the light of day
    
    none of this will go anywhere.
    i'm only deepening the misery
    one way or the other
    but this gives it some twisted sense of purpose
    accomplishment
    it's sick
    but it's something
    and i can't say that for much else in my life
     
  10. #30
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    COPING
    you don't need me.
    this thing's becoming a big mess of moving parts
    that i don't feel like i have a part in.
    cold and afraid
    nothing's improving
    i need the means to step away from all of this
    and watch it from a distance
    if i could stop it from looking back
    and seeing me for what i really am
    
    you don't need to say it
    
    hell, there are always more chances
    they just keep on coming
    but i'll never be brave enough to take them
    never be braver than i am now
    
    i never wanted to depend on you,
    not like this
    
    somehow, i just keep forgetting, you know?
    there've been moments lately ...
    where it just slipped my mind
    
    traces of it are always there
    lingering
    something predatory
    slowly poisoning everything
    coldly watching it all die
    we're alone in the universe
    i'm alone
    
    draining you until you're all gone
    just so i can stay rested for a few more days
    and, then, no more coping
     
  11. #31
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    EXTERMINATOR 2
    feel myself deteriorating
    some of the signs fade in and out
    so fucking tired of never feeling
    stable
    always feeling like i'm in a rush
    but i can never pinpoint where or what ...
    
    i keep telling
    no-one in particular
    over and over
    that i'm not supposed to still be here.
    should never have been so afraid to die
    but that's what i chose
    and i can't seem to turn back
    
    i never had the heart for this, did i?
    i just didn't know what else to do
    just kept pretending
    can't tell if it's getting harder
    or easier
    
    couldn't tell you which one is scarier.
    can't act like i care right now.
    i've just been looking to distract myself
    and i can't even fucking get that right
    
    could use someone to talk to, i guess
    but it'd make no difference
    
    what does human connection matter
    when i could just hurt you instead?
    
    in the end,
    i can only pick one
    (and it has to be now)
     
  12. #32
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    CURSORY
    i'm still not here
    i'm still not here
    i'm still not here
    i'm still not here
    riding towards a sanctuary that DOESN'T EXIST
    i need saving
    pull me out of here!
    but you don't exist either
    heart is close to ripping itself out of me
    i know that, deep inside, i'm truly afraid for my life
    always certain about the most insignificant things
    and completely clueless about everything else
    there's always either no safety net
    or one too many
    it's always wrong
    I'm still not here
    i haven't made it through
    
    i'm fine.
    this is exactly how it was intended, right?
    the story says i should've drowned
    i should be gone by now
    (oh God i wish)
    but, instead, i'm just fine
    there's nothing to see
     
  13. #33
    Dragondust

    Dragondust Yer shekh ma shieraki anni LPA VIP

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    nice!
     
  14. #34
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    PRESSES
    i got you.
    i fucking got you.
    it finally happened
    (again)
    and i thought that i'd feel a twinge of regret this time
    but it never came.
    you're never going to know
    and, instead, stay blissfully unaware
    with a different weight on your shoulders
    
    and i guess that that's the best part, really;
    that nothing will really change,
    and everything that i've done
    is simply meaningless and inconsequential,
    not to mention utterly pathetic.
    
    so we don't have to lose anything.
    we both get to have what we believe we wanted.
     
  15. #35
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    BLACK MASS
    i can hear the voices
    offhandedly tell me how alone i am
    
    and i can feel your hands
    reaching me through the dark
    a creeping fog
    caressing the shallows
    
    press
    feel everything wash out of me
    
    i envy the disappeared.
    you always send these conflicting signals
    but, ultimately, i feel that i'm right to say that.
    i wish that i'd been that smart early on.
    maybe then, things still would've been tragic,
    but in the right way
    instead of how they are now
    
    you're out of time here.
    there's only precious little left to take from me
    and, of course,
    i keep forgetting what it is i'm meant to hold dear
    so i'm too tired to resist
    also way too tired to take any action
    
    i just stare passively
    while you work to cover up all the undesirable truths
    this black shroud dropping over us;
    even when i can't see your face,
    i recognise you too well.
    
    you have that unmistakable magic touch
    and you secretly love it when it hurts.
    
    my words are running dry.
    i'm just too tired
    
    tired of you
    
    tired of you being right about everything
     
  16. #36
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    STRUCTURAL VIOLENCE
    i feel like i'm getting over my inhibitions
    just slowly and steadily
    i'm hoping to accelerate the process ...
    but, then, i'm nothing if not fiercely patient.
    i can always wait to get what i want.
    
    but, you ...
    i don't need you at all.
    you keep coaxing me to play
    but losing this game of yours isn't fucking worth it.
    
    you have nothing left to offer me.
    and there's only precious little left
    that lets us relate to each other.
    
    now, there's only potential for you to hurt me.
    
    this isn't a war that anyone can win
    (except for you)
    as long as we all want to survive.
    really, we both need to just fuck off and die.
    
    we don't need each other at all.
    you don't even know what you fucking want from me;
    probably no answer to that.
    just some painful feedback loop
    stemming from how you say one thing
    and mean something else entirely,
    over and over again, until you yourself get confused -
    
    no, you're just trying to clear your conscience
    and absolve yourself of the blame
    but you don't even need to do that, so just be relieved.
    if i'm bitter towards anyone, it's myself.
    you've always known this. stop pretending.
    Code:
    DOORSTEP
    the alarms ring so loudly
    that i can experience a physical reaction
    stop myself so violently that i can feel the inertia strike
    
    right at your door
    
    i could knock
    and we could talk
    and everything would be ruined forever.
    
    i'm not as horrible as i seem
    except that i am
    i fucking am
    you have no choice.
     
  17. #37
    Susy

    Susy god break down the door LPA Contributor

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    Seems pretty angry. Any problems?
     
  18. #38
    GraveDigger388

    GraveDigger388 Nothing's gonna top my Jacky

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    Sounds punkish to me
     
  19. #39
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    i am the lightning strike upon calm waters.
    i've heard the same rumours that you've have
    but i leave none alive.
    you shouldn't glorify me like you did the rest.
    we're not the same.
     
  20. #40
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    F-LIST
    i want to tell you,
    stop trying to reach me if i don't answer;
    it's just that ...
    i'm just fucking terrified of [what i might say]
    and, no matter what i do, it just won't stop
    
    breaking myself from the inside out
    
    and you're probably gonna validate this
    but i can't work myself up to take it
    i don't deserve your rationality
    and i keep apologising
    but it's never enough
    got enough loved ones to disappoint already
    so don't tell me any more.
    i don't know that i could ever be better off
    
    you're optimistic to believe that i'm sick.
    the only thing that i can believe right now is that
    someone out there will think i just want the bragging rights ...
    and i might even manage to deceive myself,
    another thing that i'm deeply afraid about
    
    but, still,
    i'm off the rails now
    worrying that i can't be figured out.
    (i can't even express this properly.)
    if i can't help you to understand,
    if you can't find an answer for me,
    then, all of this has been for nothing
    
    still lost
    
    damaged
    
    messed up
    
    but in the completely wrong way.
    can't even get that right.
     

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