I’ve been thinking a while on what to say here. I have been lurking in the threads for a few weeks now and participating in the shout box occasionally. Starting my own thread has felt like a daunting activity but I feel like it’s time I properly introduce myself. I’ve been a fan of Linkin Park since I was 12. Life had been pretty tough. I am the oldest of 5 children and while being in such a huge family I have always felt isolated and alone. I’m an unusual person and have never really fit in. School was brutal and I was heavily bullied. I would often pray to be taken out of this world because I felt like I was unseen. Then one day I heard Crawling on the radio and immediately the lyrics made me feel seen. From that moment I knew I was not alone and that others felt the same pain I did. Linkin Park’s music spoke to me in a way nothing else did. I remember getting my hands on my first two cds and spending hours listening to them and writing down the lyrics one line at a time, til I could memorise them all. Linkin Park was there for me during a family death and then my parents divorce. They also gave me solace when I was kicked out of my home at 17. I remember how excited I was when I found out they were coming to New Zealand in 2007. I remember being so nervous the day before the tickets were released that I couldn’t sleep and ended up waiting outside the record store from 3am just to make sure I didn’t miss out (which was lucky because it sold out within 30 mins of release). That first concert was the best night of my life, I cried during The Little Thing Give You Away with Chester belting out end of the song right in front of me. Linkin Park was there again for me when they released Living Things when my best friend’s brother killed himself. That album helped me through my grief. Even now when I hear Roads Untraveled I can’t help but shed a tear for him. The Next best thing I ever experienced was going to the LP summit in Auckland. I made some great friends up there and found some community with other LP fans. I will never forget meeting the band and it will always hold a special place in my heart. When Chester passed I was devastated. I felt like a part of me had died and for the years that followed I couldn’t bring myself to listen to LP because it hurt too much. I still struggle to listen to the One More Light album. To me it feels like Chester was really trying to tell us and prepare us for his departure in that album. When Mike brought out Post Traumatic I found it healed some of the pain of the loss of Chester. But it didn’t completely disappear. When the countdown to zero first started I thought that were just going to get another remix or remastered album or even a greatest hits. I tuned in to the live feed and then my life was shaken. LINKIN PARK IS BACK! I have been walking with a big silly grin on my face since that day. As I have aged I have discovered a lot about myself and Linkin Park has always been part of that journey. I am now a mother to 3 beautiful children. I have a 10yr old and 3yr old twins. One of my twins was recently diagnosed as autistic and during the diagnostic process I also learnt that I too am autistic. Which probably explains why I have never felt like I fit in anywhere. It probably also explains why communication has always been hard for me so if I ever come across as awkward or completely misunderstand the direction of a conversation please let me know (but be kind). Over the last few weeks I have been searching for community because none of my friends understand why Linkin Park coming back was such a huge deal. I stumbled across this site and knew I had found my people and I hope that i belong here with all of you. experiencing From Zero as it was released with some of you was an experience I needed. I apologies for my rambling thank you for taking the time to read it.
I'm glad you joined us. And don't worry about not fitting in here, because I can guarantee you that you will. We have people of all walks of life here, and I'm sure others who are autistic too or at least on the spectrum. You never need to be scared about contributing or making a post. Many of us have found safety and solace in Linkin Park's music as well, and can relate to your experiences. You're not alone. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry to hear about all the tragedies and struggles you've faced. Hopefully now that you have a family of your own, life has felt better for you.