Hey I haven't been on here in a while..here's something new. It's not really all that great..it's just something different. from what I'm used to writing, I guess. I don't have a title yet, sorry. //Edit* All Because.. He said she's the one, not knowing what he'd begun, never knew it'd end with a gun. Took her out on a date, to a fancy Mexican place. Told her he loved her, then she felt a change occur. They went out again the very next week, he told her she could "have a peek" and from there the end begun. Back at his place, they had their fun Then his other girl came in from a run Caught them together and got really mad told the other girl that the boy was lousy she ran away and let them be. The girl cried out loud, "Why me?!" Then she found the gun lying on the ground it seemed so peaceful she figured that with just one pull the pain will turn into fun decided to show that boy what he had done, Went back to his place, *bang* went the gun, all because he said she was the one. <3
wow, thats powerful i think the last verse is the strongest... i hope it isn't based on something that happned to someone you know... why not call it "All Because..."
yer, if that happened to you in some way be prepared for the police to rock up any second. LOL Anyway back on point i think the title "All Because..." is very suiting for this poem. Also THE POEM IS AWSOME. You said this was different for you but you pulled it off quite well, there were 1 or 2 points where i felt the rhythm got a bit lost. But other than thet it's great. It is good for you to expand into differnt types of poems. Great work. Don't leave again. LOL
No, it's not based on something that really happened. I was kind of in a daze and that was in my head so I wrote it down and this is the final result. <3
Wow, this is really emotional and powerful. I love the last verse, and I agree, you should call it 'All Because'. .. Yeah, 'm the person that you might be writing poems with. This is really, really, bloody good! Keep it up!!