Quite a long song, its something different give it a chance. Letters From Mother Dearest Sit on the grass Get stabbed repeatedly Throw out my lungs Wish I was young Once again (You said you were coming) Memories taste horrible Time to spit them all out Slow brain fast hatred stabbing me me Once again (But you never dead) Why have all these feathers fallen on a stone? Do you think that I can see through them? I call out to you with a prayer yet only silence comes God forgive me because you're not the one Sitting on that hill I had ran From all these feelings that you are closer than I see Because the knives of your finger tips have stabbed on my mentality I wish my eyes would not seem so dim with ancient dust Once more that black book, has taken all my trust Look back to that winding road This green is bloody Red dots in my iris swell And the fires a burning in this... (I wondered where you were hiding) Hell memories taste so horrible Time to let it go Slow brain create mush With a document of lies I've trusted you (You made a promise mom) Why have all these feathers fallen on a stone? Do you think that I can see through them? I call out to you with a prayer yet only silence comes God forgive me because you're not the one (You're not the one to make promises) Sitting on that hill I had ran From all these feelings that you are closer than I see Because the knives of your finger tips have stabbed on my mentality I wish my eyes would not seem so dim with ancient dust Once more that black book, has taken all my trust (No more lies in your written hand) You said you'd come You said you'd be here You said it all That you would hold me still Why have all these feathers fallen on a stone? Do you think that I can see through them? Do you think I can see you there?
This is really deep, Jesse. Great imagery, great writing. I'm impressed. I especially liked the line: "This green is bloody Red dots in my iris swell." Great job, imo.
Thank you Arlene! I actuallly had "This grass is blood soaked, Red lines peirce my eyes" at first but it sounded really stupid. Thanks again for your compliment. , anything ideas of what I can do to make it better?
Really good song! I like the end of each line rhyme, definately a swing up! Imo, maybe if it had a word added/more/complimentary into any given line, like visual words, 9/10! Thats an opinion too! Otherwise it is a great song.