Killing Me Inside

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Andrea, Sep 9, 2003.

  1. #1
    Andrea

    Andrea best friends. LPA Addicted VIP

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    Killing Me Inside

    You make me suffer at your cost
    You make me feel like I am lost
    The struggles I go through because of you
    Makes me want to forget about you

    You hardly know me
    You don't even try
    Why won't you see
    You're killing me inside

    I can't stop these tears
    I don't know how
    I'm at an all time low
    And you don't even care

    You hardly know me
    You don't even try
    Why won't you see
    You're killing me inside

    Don't you want to love me
    Don't you want to make me happy
    If you care then show me
    How a father is supposed to be

    You hardly know me
    You don't even try
    Why won't you see
    You're killing me inside (2x)


    I know it's not great....Any comments though?
     
  2. #2
    Cal

    Cal LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    i know it IS great!! i like it alot, but it could be a tad longer :) good job on the lyrics tho, great flow
     
  3. #3
    Omar A

    Omar A Beyond Science LPA Super Member

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    I love it!!!
     
  4. #4
    _PianoPaPercut_

    _PianoPaPercut_ Ambient

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    whoah.. that was really good!! ^_^ i like ur chorus..
     
  5. #5
    Metamorphosiss

    Metamorphosiss Well-Known Member

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    Its great.
     
  6. #6
    Gaabjuh

    Gaabjuh Ambient

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    Cool!! I really like it!! Great job :D
     
  7. #7
    Glenn

    Glenn Super Member LPA Super Member

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    yeah the verses could be longer than 4 lines each, but great stuff, keep writing. :p
     
  8. #8
    Andrea

    Andrea best friends. LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks for the comments. Yeah, I know it should be longer but I wrote that during a 35 minute free period at school and I didn't really have a lot of time to make it longer.
     
  9. #9
    Debus

    Debus Morbid Fascination LPA Addict

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    Oh my god!!! You are all really good writers in here. i oculd never write like you can. That is very good :D
     
  10. #10
    frgt10_soldier

    frgt10_soldier Banned

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    thats awsome!
     
  11. #11
    Casual D

    Casual D I WON'T BE YOUR CASUAL D. LPA Administrator

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    You seem to have the concept of flow locked down, good job. Everyone can make good lyrics but for them to truly stand out they need to flow inside the reader's head, and as much as I don't want to say it, that's a big problem of some of the writers on these forums. They make great lyrics...but lack any flow whatsoever in thier writings.

    It's good to see that you don't fall victim to that curse. ;)
     
  12. #12
    Anthony.

    Anthony. .Orestes LPA Super VIP

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    It's excellent :D . Stop thinking what you're doing is not good, be positive ;) .
     
  13. #13
    Andrea

    Andrea best friends. LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thank you Derek for that comment. :)
     

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