just looking for some feedback

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by barnes80, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. #1
    barnes80

    barnes80 Well-Known Member

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    So these are just a couple of poems I wrote at times, friends I show them to say they are really amazing and I should continue writing but I feel that it is just the friendly support they are expected to give so I thought Id see what people who dont really know me think.

    Please any comments would be nice.


    ======================
    She sits in silence
    Passenger Seat
    We exchange no words
    I feel defeat
    Her tears still drop
    I wanna retreat
    I feel so bad
    As we turn on her street

    I stop the car
    We both are still
    She seems so far
    And her face looks ill

    She finally turns
    And looks my way
    I look at her
    With nothing to say

    Her makeup streaks
    She wore it for me
    Tears on her cheeks
    I just wanna flee

    She gives me a kiss
    And in one heavy sigh
    She tells me this
    She tells me goodbye
    ======================


    Early morning
    Coffee shop
    It's kind of boring
    Wish you'd stop

    Searching me
    With those eyes
    What'd you see
    When they caught mine

    Your guilty stare
    Up at me
    I feel bare
    I wish you'd leave

    This is strange
    And out of place
    As thoughts exchange
    But only through face

    Nothings said
    And nothings done
    I sit in dread
    It's only begun

    You go to speak
    You wet your lips
    You look so meek
    But it slips

    The moment passed
    Just like I
    You feel glassed
    And you only sigh

    Across the table
    There we sit
    But not able
    To admit

    How far away
    We both are
    We've gone astray
    We've gone so far

    This isn't working
    We've gone no where
    I see you smirking
    Our thoughts are shared

    We both see
    This wont work out
    You stare at me
    And begin to pout

    Your hands i take
    And hold them tight
    I can feel them shake
    You're getting white

    I won't let go
    No matter how long
    Because i know
    I must stay strong

    Your to good to lose
    Your everything
    I'll fight through the blues
    And take all the stings

    I'll do what it takes
    To make you come back
    I'll bear all the aches
    To get us on track

    I look in your eyes
    Unsure what i see
    But it sure not despise
    Maybe belief in me?

    I pull you so near
    And let you know
    I tell in your ear
    I'll never let go
    ====================
     
  2. #2
    LPlover15

    LPlover15 Well-Known Member

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    wow....i really like this! keep up the good work!
     

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