I'll Never Trust Myself

I'm starting to think it's not worth it anymore
I can't find reason to live my life anymore
Everything's so horrible, so out of place
So hard to realize, I can't let go of disgrace
The feelings I hold just don't matter to others
Mistreatment confined to me, from another
Can't tell what's real, what's there, I can't fell
My wounds, I know, will never heal
I've never felt like this before
I cry for help, but I am ignored
I'm always ashamed to know I'll alway regret
Everything I do, every last step
But now I see, now I realize,
that the burden I hold is my own life

I cut so deep, so slow into me
My flesh starts to peel, I bleed steadily
I hold myself still, trying not to shake
I feel so cold, I feel like I'm about to break
To hold all this inside, and trying to breathe
And trying not to let loose about what's happening to me
I've lost all the love, I've lost my common sense
I can't smile anymore without feeling tense
I'm hidden again, stuck on the outside
Hiding in the shadows, waiting for the light
I'm afraid to say this, but I'm falling apart
I can't stop it, I'm trying to hard
Being yelled at constantly, treated like no one
Stuck in my room with the fact, knowing I can't run
I'm too afraid of change, there are too many problems to face
So much to worry about, I can't keep at my own pace

No one would care, nobody's there
Crying about what's so unfair
Never to hear what happened yesterday
Let alone, I can't stand to hear the things that I say
Nothing makes any sense, nothing ever did
Always talking about something, but no one cares about it.
They know I'm here, I'm just not worth it
Who would waste their time on a worthless piece of s***?
Nobody, they're always self-conscious
Sadistic, watching others suffer, they watch this?
Unbelievable, it just makes me wanna yell
But I no I'll never have the guts to 'cause I know I'll never trust
myself

Sometimes I wish I could actually smile
Be with others, know they'd let me stay a while
They fake it all, make you take the fall
Letting you know that you're the one who'd always make them stall
They say that you're holding them back, talking smack
Making them look bad
I'll never get over it, and nothing else
I know I have to end this life 'cause I know I'll never trust myself

I'm tired of always having to scream
Always having to slow down and explain what I mean
Why do I always have to hide these cuts?
Someday they'll find out, should I just finally give it up?
Thousand's of kids live with a perfect life
While thousand's others are still waiting for their time to die
These thousands of kids are always left defenseless
The others don't give a care, they're clueless, they're senseless
I'll never forget the times I burst into tears
Never forgot the times I always always huddled with fears
Anxiety, left with no ability to know
Why I always feel like this, how I've always felt alone
Someday I wish I could close my eyes and pretend
That my life, itself, will be better again
But someday I wish this and nothing else,
I'll never be better again, and how I'll never trust myself