Comments...please. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is this perverted mindset really too grotesque? Is your wishing me to live really for the best? Can killing what cannot decay send me straight to hell? As you lay right here next to me wishing all goes well I can't say I want to die but I wouldn't mind an end Words are less than I could do but more than I intend Is telling you what's inside worse than telling lies? After all you need to know: I can never be enticed Now telling you what's inside will relieve us of my lies! And I fear it's all that's left for me as I'm scratching out my eyes I can't say I want to die but I wouldn't mind an end Words are less than I could do but more than I intend I can't say I want to die but I wouldn't mind an end These words are greater harm to you, yet lesser in content
Awesome flow. As you could tell, flow is one of my weaknesses. Maybe I should re-write my last piece paying more attention to syllables. I have to say though, a few lines just seemed a bit too typical teenage angst to me. I liked the last 2 stanzas a lot though. Good job.
I'm aware of the angst in this piece I'm a teenager and this is a very sincere piece. So basically: Angst is written all over it. As for your last piece: It wasn't bad...it only had a few minor problems with the flow. And overall, I love your work. You rarely have any problems imo
Well, I'm not going to crucify you for writing what you are feeling in the moment, but I am sure you can understand why one might get a bit sick of teenage angst with how much it has flooded the market. Not that I don't still like some of it of course. I mean, I AM a Linkin Park fan .