I said goodbye yesterday.

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Janni_LP, Jul 29, 2017.

  1. #1
    Janni_LP

    Janni_LP Member

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    I didn’t plan to, but it was just… kind of perfect.

    Like many, I’ve been in mourning, still am, since last thursday, and I'm forever grateful for the LP family for writing and having meetups. There is still a hole in my heart. For the past week, I’ve shifted between denial, periods of deep sorrow, bouts of sobbing, fits of anger - rinse and repeat. All while feeling like something is missing.
    Someone.

    But yesterday evening, I walked on a hilltop in a park near my home. I had a Linkin Park playlist going. It had been raining all day and finally, the sun had decided to show it’s face and there was no wind at all. “Shadow of the Day” came on.

    I stopped, as I felt compelled to just stare at the sunset. I felt every word, every beautiful note Chester sang, and I just felt increadibly serene, almost happy, which I haven’t felt since that fateful day. There was another feeling that I can’t put a name to, but I’ve never felt it when listening to this song.It was so strange. It was as if in that moment, the song got a whole new meaning. It was like he spoke to me. It’s ok. I let his voice soothe me, his words hold my hand, all while I stared into the sunset with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. In that moment, I swear he was telling me that he was ok, he was at peace.

    It was the strangest yet most beautiful moment. I almost didn’t share it, because it felt like a private conversation, bizzarre and selfish as it sounds. I felt content, finally. I had finally accepted the truth and I tried to convey my love by smiling even wider at the sky, while the last rays of sunshine illuminated the clouds in gold and red.

    Chester was light, he was warmth and hope. Much like a sunset.

    As the song ended, perfectly timed with the sun disappearing behind the sparse clouds, I couldn’t stop smiling.

    I said: “Thank you” and I felt a sudden gust of warm wind.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  2. #2
    dreamerpoet

    dreamerpoet Well-Known Member

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    and I just got goosebumps! What an amazing moment for you!
     
  3. #3
    Janni_LP

    Janni_LP Member

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    Thank you. I feel blessed. <3
     
  4. #4
    dreamerpoet

    dreamerpoet Well-Known Member

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    I would too.....it was just a beautiful experience!!
     
  5. #5
    Carla

    Carla Well-Known Member

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    That sounds so beautiful and perfect, as if it was meant to be your moment with chester to say thank you and goodbye.
     
  6. #6
    Janni_LP

    Janni_LP Member

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    @Carla
    Thank you. The grief is still heavy in my heart, but at least now it's tangible. It wasn't before, I was in denial and I reacted unhealthily, in bouts of anger and sobbing. I still cry, but now it feels more real.I'm forever thankful for that. I just hope people will find their own moments of clarity and peace.
     
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  7. #7
    Carla

    Carla Well-Known Member

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    I have realised that his physical being is no longer with us, but his spirit is with us all of the time in his music and the images we have of him. This has given me the strength to say goodbye and wish him well in whatever he does now. It still hurts but I no longer ask why or hate him.
     
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  8. #8
    BTorio

    BTorio Well-Known Member

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    I felt the same way the other day. I just moved in with a friend who has known me for the past two years, who knows how I always blast music and especially Linkin Park. I hadn't listened to any music but the radio or even had headphones in while working out (which I always do). I'm sure he noticed and knew why but didn't say anything. So we were in the apartment moving in and he had tapped a playlist of one of the other bands we like in common. After it was over I walked over and put on the LP itunes 2011 performance, which was the first time I had clicked a song to listen to in a few days. When they got to waiting for the end I just felt a huge rush of emotion as I listened to the lyrics. My many instruments were all over the apartment but I hadn't played them yet, but I walked over to my guitar and played along to the "solo". It felt great, when I went to get a pick out of my bag it was my LPU pick, which I never use to preserve it, but it felt so right. I had gone through a couple of days where I literally didn't know if I would ever touch music again, but at that moment I was just like...of course I am.
     
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  9. #9
    Janni_LP

    Janni_LP Member

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    I'm really, really glad to hear that!
     
  10. #10
    Janni_LP

    Janni_LP Member

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    This is really beautiful. I truly believe that this is an essential part of loss; somehow accepting the world with that particular person in it, yet somehow finding a way to move on, without losing the huge impact this person has left in your life. The way and the pace in which it happens differs from person to person, but I believe we'll all get there at some point.

    Thank you for sharing.
     
  11. #11
    thesungoesdown

    thesungoesdown It's like I'm paranoid..

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    Did the same on the day he passed during a sunset. I continue to do so whether at the park, beach, etc. I plan on saying goodbye at the fan memorial next Tuesday.
     

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