Hold it inside

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by LP_Freak_2735, Dec 31, 2004.

  1. #1
    LP_Freak_2735

    LP_Freak_2735 Well-Known Member

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    Hold it inside
    All this bullshit
    The fucking lies
    Hold it inside
    Don't let them knøw
    Don't let it shøw
    Hold it inside
    It's not like they care
    They won't be there
    I'll Hold it inside
    Please let me die
     
  2. #2
    sickcycle

    sickcycle Well-Known Member

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    All I can say the idea has been done to death, but that’s fine if you can put a new spin on it. Unfortunately here isn’t the case, I would also recommend better word usage; find some better alternatives to words like fuck, and bullshit. Make it colorful. It's not my intintion to be harsh, just trying to give pointers, same goes for me, I love pointers and constructive critisism for my work.
     
  3. #3
    LP_Freak_2735

    LP_Freak_2735 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! I'll try that. I've got some more poems, do you think I should post them?
     
  4. #4
    Branden

    Branden hey! LPA Super Member

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    Why not!?!
     

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