History

So let me start off with this: I'm not who I seem
As a matter of fact, I have a very deranged history
It's not about the differences between you and me
It's just the fact that I'm way different from who I used to be
So take a listen and lend your ears to me
As I take you on a tour of what I used to be
So back in the day, I didn't know very much
I based all my knowledge on all I saw and touched
When I heard the talk of people getting girlfriends
I started liking girls randomly and I wanted them
But, I came across a girl who was about 14
And I said I liked her and she said she liked me
I was only 11, but I felt it was true love
But in the end, she just had to screw it all up
You see, she was the kind of person who although she never was
was depressed, and did everything a depressed person does
She acted sad everyday, and put her anger on me
And she started cutting herself, and started lying endlessly
She said she wouldn't do it, but what do you do
When she actually does it and she comes crying to you
I could only do my best to put a smile on her face
But in the end, it was all just a big disgrace
She said she didn't like me anymore because
She thought I was too sad too much
But how can you be happy when the person you love
Starts to fuck up and begins to lie and cut
I guess all you can really do is feel sorry for yourself
Because you couldn't take away her own manufactured hell
So as the love deceased, I fell under a phase
Where I couldn't even comprehend looking at my face
I started hating myself, and I began to feel pissed
That in the end, all the struggle amounted up to this
I started making up lies that I cut myself everyday
Even though I was too fucking scared to even pick up a blade
And I started telling friends that I attempted suicide
Even though, I was scared of the thought deep inside
I didn't know what to think, and I didn't know what to do
I always kept my head down, making myself the fool
Until one day, I made a mistake I still regret
Why I made this mistake, I still do not get
I took all these lies and typed them online
And put it out so all my friends could read all the lies
But one of my friends found it, and he showed his mom
His mom told my mom and I knew the trouble was on
My parents cried and told me I had no reason
To be sad, it's as if I had committed treason
Against my family and everything that I used to live and stand for
I couldn't live with myself, I couldn't take anymore
They took everything away, and for months I cried
Because I thought that in the end I wouldn't make it out alive
So, until this day, I live with the mistake
Of putting all the lies I formulated on display
And even though I would do anything to fix it all
I have to live with the fact that I took the fall
So, there you have it, criticize if you like
I'm used to all the shit that people always strive
To make up and use against the people they hate
Even though they don't know shit and they're the ones who are hated
Please, let me say one more thing
I know I'm still very young and I'm only 13.
And I know you're probably thinking how fucked up I may be
But in reality, that's the person everyone sees
And everyone says how I used to be the guy
Who avoided small talk and had a fucked up mind
But, all I really want is people to understand
That I'm not someone who doesn't know anything first hand
I just want some respect, that's all I ask
Please don't judge me because of my past
You can point out my mistakes, but I know what I have done
And this is a story of how mistakes can be overcome
So whenever you feel down, just believe in yourself
And maybe someday, all the shit you live with will be dust on a shelf

I basically just wrote this out of nowhere. I was really bored and just thinking about everything I've done. Please forgive me if this is a waste of your life, but it means something to me.

 

Yeah, all of it happened.

 

Thanks.

It's alright. I still regret it, but it's in the past.