here's a new one

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by blackpanther626, Jul 7, 2003.

  1. #1
    blackpanther626

    blackpanther626 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2003
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0



    hey guy'z here's a new one that i've made,
    this is about when i was going thru a hard issue with my family like when i was around 10 or 11, and so i wrote about it now and i hope you like it, and for anyone that is going thru the same boat that i was going thru someone is there for you.
    "Burning out"
    This pain is killing me, killing me inside, seeing me cry wanting me to die, brusies, cut, tears, abuse, when will it stop how will i know, my mothers crying,he won't stop, scar's deep inside these fears of mine, i'm fighting now, and now it's my turn to give it back, but i'm not i'm better than that, i'm not him, i'm not stupid, i'm not dumb, you thought you could blind me forever, but you forgot that kids grow up, my wounds are being healed by someone that cares, i'm much stronger than you thought, now what do you have to say to that, i can't hear you, oh yeah that's right you're not apart of my life anymore!! BY *~*marissa*~* a.k.a kittie or riss
     
  2. #2
    Cal

    Cal LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
    Messages:
    5,636
    Likes Received:
    37



    this is good but hard to read

    when you write your songs, try doing this

    This pain is killing me
    killing me inside
    seeing me cry wanting me to die
    brusies, cut, tears, abuse
    when will it stop how will i know

    otherwise

    this is good, if it was longer i think it would be amazing, keep working on new stuff
     
  3. #3
    Omar A

    Omar A Beyond Science LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2003
    Messages:
    4,760
    Likes Received:
    14



    This is good and it makes sense. But you need to add a chorus and divide wat you have into verses
     

Share This Page