Heart.

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Arhaz, Dec 12, 2005.

  1. #1
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    Heart.
    Part 1.

    Touch me here, and feel the pain,
    This insanity you can’t name,
    The wild pleasure when I see you,
    But countless times count to so few.
    So, why aren’t you nearer?
    Lead into it another beastly stir,
    Rouse my emotions and make me,
    Touch my heart, and break me.
    Nerves scream for more,
    My brain reckless like before,
    Not needed, for my heart bids my take,
    Saying what I feel comes too late.
    Don’t leave yet, I have to say,
    But I can’t speak for all I may,
    Don’t go, I need you, don’t leave yet,
    Like a vain child, I plead and fret.

    But none the less, you return to space,
    The last captured moments aren’t replaced,
    And I wait for another time,
    When you’ll be here, and you’ll be mine.

    Then comes the next night’s moon,
    And all the serenity is in bloom,
    Waiting there to look at you,
    I wait for endless time, that isn’t so few.
    And you haven’t come, and I wait still,
    And you haven’t come my love to fulfill,
    And I wait so longingly, alone and disturbed,
    Alone with the hoots and howls so plainly heard.
    Come sooner or I may do I know not what,
    Where is my love, so carelessly caught?
    Why isn’t she here, does she remember?
    We are to be, tonight, together.
    The moon fails it’s time and falls asleep,
    The screaming suns wakes me from my dream,
    And finding myself upon the scare of last night,
    I rest in shock, awake again in fright.

    Screaming frantically, I call out her name,
    People stare in sympathy; they don’t know my pain,
    Where is she, bring her to me, I need her,
    Last night, I screamed, we were meant to be together.
    Running about the streets, in no direction,
    Tossed in worlds of fright, loss and dejection,
    I scream her name so many times over,
    We were, last night, to be together.
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    this is just part one. depending on the comments i may or may not continue it. most probably not, 'cause it's not a poem good enough for the title.
    but i need your comments anyway.
     
  2. #2
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    I like it. Albeit a tad repetative (imo), I think it went really well. And can one poem really ever be worthy of the title 'Heart'?
     
  3. #3
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    lol, nah i guess. but this thing, this annoying little thing in my head just won't let me write the way i used to. and it's frustrating. so, i was wondering if the quality of the piece was good enough. thanks for your comment mate.
     
  4. #4
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    Hey, don't get me worng, this is a good piece. Beats my stuff.
     
  5. #5
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    ^^ nothing like that.

    anyway, part 2 is in the making even though i didn't get many comments on part1. i'll try to make it better this time and i'll try to maintain the same hand.
     
  6. #6
    GrafiTTied

    GrafiTTied Well-Known Member

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    i dont see anything wrong with this. It seems the same old you.
    im waiting for the second part......................
     
  7. #7
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thankies...
     
  8. #8
    heshboy

    heshboy Well-Known Member

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    To be honest. I liked some of the repetiveness of this. I want to see part 2, so get to work.
     
  9. #9
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks man. i'm working on part 2....
     
  10. #10
    Linja

    Linja Good. Be magnanimous. Über Member

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    I could've sworn I'd already commented on this. This is okay, not one of your best works, and I'm anticipating p. 2.
     
  11. #11
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks mali
     

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