.:Haven Mist:.

Could you tell me what you think of this piece? Thanks in advance.


.:Haven Mist:.

Liquid aspirations
Leaking all around him
In bed he lies
Surrounded by the puddle
Of sorrow that he has created
He's dreaming of a time back when
The clouds they'd part
To show a story where
His deepest concerns
They'd all be gone
Straight from the start

In the forest where
He used to play
It now seems so dark
Shining so beautifuly
The pines whisper
Their awful sound
From their branchs extend
What he fears the most
Gusts of wind blow silently
One by one the word is passed
And the knowledge spreads throughout

Peering past the window panes
He can see the world
It's so vast beyond
From the distance he can see
The green hills from the north
They lay out his plot
Like pages from the fables
He once knew all too well
Now in front of his eyes
He can see the answer is all to near
It's here where he hurts

Like the lone maple leaf
Caught in an updraft
Hopeless it is how he feels
Feeling lost within himself
Clutching what he knows is true
To hold back from what he feels inside
Caught in a place much more dangerous
He is out of touch within himself
There's nowhere left to hide
It's time to face
What it is he fears inside

Gazing out the shattered window
Just one final time
Off to the hills
A bright glimmer catches his eye
Beautiful in every single way
She is the fallen angel
To him in mind
She is the one that can save him
To bring him back
To where he feel finally feel
In touch within himself

Low on confidence
But none of this must matter now
He approaches her
Her eye catches his own
He extends his hand
An erie silence falls
Upon the desolate forest
The shine within her eye
It's oh so familiar
The gleem from her eyes dont show
What it is he wanted to feel

He's left here with
The same painful emotion
His eyes they close
And into his palms
His head descends
All of what he feels
Comes crashing down
Tears of sorrow
Fall down his checks
She turns and goes
Her footsteps echo
And into the unknown they ring

 

.. u crehzy crehzy... pwhoooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! that is sooOOOOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOoOOooOOO.. whoah.. wooow.. .. wooow.. thats all i can say..
"pwhoah-whoah-wow!!!" man.. dude.. man.. dude.. [i have a very limited vocabulary.. T_T] anywho.. trust me, that poem is REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!! keep up tha pwhoahwhoahness work... ...

 

heh... Before I read the next part, I thought it was about some dude who peed his bed...

lol jk it's cool

 

That was excellent! Very deep and meaningful. Keep up the good work!

 

Thanks guys.

I forgot to mention in the first post that ''Haven Mist'' is a re-make of another poem I did called ''May Day''. I'd like to know which one you guys think is better. So if you could tell me, I'd be extremly gratefull. Thanks for your comments and for reading my writings. May Day is HERE