Here is another poem of mine,hope u ppl like it, and yeah do leave ur comments/feedbacks please. Happiness is Sad 'n' Sadness Happy Sometimes you feel so depressed in your life That you feel like dying by cutting yourself with a knife 'coz sadness has sort of married you and become your wife and thats not all, feels like you and happiness are always in strife You've never bugged happiness but are always under its ire You've made it feel that you'll hurt it, thats why it spits fire When happiness is angry with you its like you're stuck in a quagmire Even if somehow you get out of it, the situations you face get more dire On the other hand sadness wants you to be in its grip At times you dunno its with you, it's even taken you with it on a trip When sadness lives with you, whatever good thats left in you is strip When its with you, you curse everyone and wish their happiness to rip But who let you marry sadness in the first place and who told you to have a spat with happiness in any case But you think it doesn't look your mistake in the first place ? then whats the truth, coz if your argument has truth then mine too has base
hello again! everything u write's just awesome. again, i feel we have so much in common. u might think my arguments are pointless or meaningless, but im just telling the truth. i believe u r trying to say that if we r not happy, is because we chose that path, and i find it interesting. u know what's funny? that many times, our happiness rests on somebody else's happiness. we are humans, its in our nature the need to believe in something. many people say this is the origin of God, but truth or lie, we surely cant be alone forever, that would be really sad. we need to find that happiness in someone or something.... just like you. it seems to me that many times u get shelter from the words u write, which show real talent and an admirable mind. my advice? even if it sounds stupid, please never give up. i know u may achieve all your goals. u may think i'm just nobody or its not my place to tell u stuff like this, i mean, i know i cant make desitions in your life, u're not my puppet, but that's not what i want to do. I'd like us to be friends and get to understand and get to know better each other. well, i guess i got a little bit excited with my writing . well, c ya!
i forgot to say something! dont get frustrated if u dont receive any answers, specially in this section, cuz many times, people just dont know what to say. like i said before (in other post), its hard for our hand to express what's in our heart. specially with your awesome poems!
The Edit Button Is Your Friend... @ahamLP - I'd suggest going back into it and seeing if you could add to it. And don't try so hard to rhyme. It really takes away from it sometimes.
Another outstanding poem, but i do agree that it feels in some parts u are trying a bit to hard to rhyme. i do that to all the time, just try to edit it out. i mean u cant not rhyme when u where going for a rhyming poem but dont try to add words that dont 100% fit just for the sake of rhyming
Well thanx every1 for those valuable comments,and about the rhyme I too feel that way,but I somehow want to write in rhyme always though I've written a considerable poems without rhyme,but I just love rhyme coz the person reading it finds it more attractive and readable.
well, rhymes may get some attention from most people, but i believe that as long as u r comfortable with your writing and u like it, is ok. B)