Writing: Gibs' Writing Thread

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Gibs, Feb 22, 2015.

  1. #1
    Gibs

    Gibs The Prog Nerd Über Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2012
    Messages:
    12,526
    Likes Received:
    5,916



    Poetry / writing isn't something I do often, so I won't be revisiting this thread too much. However, I've been kicking around some ideas for a while, so I figured I would get around to finishing them. Please excuse my amateurish writing.

    With this one, I wanted to stay away from rhyming, but I found that rhyming helped better organize my ideas.

    Her

    Ever so fast my love grew,
    a quality given to only a few.
    Hair as golden as a vibrant sun,
    you captivated me as if a loaded gun.

    Why me? Surely there are others better suited for you,
    I am merely a frightened boy trapped inside a bigger man's shoe.
    I doubted myself, I pondered if I should be going down this path,
    but I knew your were the one when I finally heard you laugh.

    Two years later, with rings in hand,
    we celebrated our love with family and band.
    In this moment, nothing could bring me down, or so I believed
    But I pressed onward, intent on finalizing this wondeful thing we achieved.

    With vows in hand, and "I Dos" done,
    I leaned in, longing to caress your lips, to become one.
    But just as our lips touched, you dissipated into smoke.
    Horror-struck, I awoke
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2015
  2. #2
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Messages:
    11,507
    Likes Received:
    2,327



    Very nice! Dug the twist ending lol.
     
  3. #3
    Gibs

    Gibs The Prog Nerd Über Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2012
    Messages:
    12,526
    Likes Received:
    5,916



    Thanks man! This was actually based on a very vivid dream I had a few months back. It felt so real. :lol:
     
  4. #4
    Erica

    Erica Meh LPA Über VIP

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Messages:
    11,507
    Likes Received:
    2,327



    Sounds like a pretty twisted dream!
     
  5. #5
    polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Messages:
    3,466
    Likes Received:
    1,914



    Damn, this is nice.


    Gibby the poet!
     
  6. #6
    Gibs

    Gibs The Prog Nerd Über Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2012
    Messages:
    12,526
    Likes Received:
    5,916



    I just got a cool idea for a poem after a misheard lyric on my part from a Tool song. Hopefully something good will come of it.
     
  7. #7
    Michele

    Michele Praise Brad Delson, our Lord and Savior. LPA Addict

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2014
    Messages:
    17,182
    Likes Received:
    10,793



    Wow, great one. :)
     
  8. #8
    Gibs

    Gibs The Prog Nerd Über Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2012
    Messages:
    12,526
    Likes Received:
    5,916



    Innocence Lost

    Dew covered the pale summer morning.
    This greyness would signal to others the shape of things to come.
    But he, the one with child-like innocence in his soul,
    failed to recognize the harbinger of his decline.

    Did he deserve this? Probably not.
    Most should never experience that kind of pain,
    but innocence leads to ignorance;
    He must face the terror he has wrought.

    Constantly confronted, endlessly bombarded,
    he snaps from the pressure thrust upon him,
    as if a tree in a whirling tempest.
    He gave his all, but it was all in vain.

    This, was inevitable.

    With darkness spawned,
    he is forever lost.
    Winter, has forever entered, his heart.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2015
  9. #9
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,617
    Likes Received:
    588



    I really like it, except for the very last line.
    I think there's too many comma's.
    "Winter has forever entered his heart" would suffice, I think.
     
  10. #10
    Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Also Prog Nerd Now, Thanks Gibs LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2014
    Messages:
    5,080
    Likes Received:
    1,290



    We're waiting for new content Gibs
     
    Dekar likes this.

Share This Page