Hello! This is the first part to a story I'm writing that I think could use some help. Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors because I can fix those later. I would like some criticism content wise though. If you have time, tell me what yo think. _______________________________ I. Existing They scream. We cry. They’re fighting and we don’t even know why or what they are fighting about. Yet we keep are eyes intently positioned upon their lips soaked with the tears they trade back and forth between each other from the secluded spot in the corner outside that God forsaken room. It’s funny as children we do this when mommy and daddy fight and still as teenagers we continue this ritual of exponential sadness. The break is silence is of the utmost awkward and the reason to listen becomes a task. Daddy is forceful and mommy is hysterical. The words exchanged are not of my comprehension. I don’t remember exactly, I'm not sure I want to. Daddy grabs mommy, tightly coiling his hands around her wrists, like the snake he is. Mommy screams. Daddy looks at us, releases mommy. That’s when daddy shuts the door. It’s all bullshit. Complete fucking bullshit. The lying, the fighting … it is fucking bullshit. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve flooded the living room like they did that night. Not a single drop belonged to dad, not one. It’s all the same to me now. I graduated from that shithole of a school and I'm ready to drive away from it all: my suicidal sister, my arrogant father, my loving mother, my friends, everything. Don’t think that I won’t miss any of this stuff or that I'm leaving out of anger. I'm leaving because there are better things for me and waiting in better places. I got into one of best schools in my state and I'm not going to throw that away because I have a semi-fucked up family. It’s time for me; I know so because I can feel it. I stare at the steering this world gave me, with the my right foot on the gas peddle and the world on my shoulders, waiting for me to pull out of the drive way. My family on the lawn waving goodbye. The sad look on their faces makes me want to stay but nothing can make me. Not even if God tried to pull me out of this car, would I stay, I’d rather have him kill me than wait eternity to get on with my life. I put my hand on the shifter and move it from park to drive. The 1986 Buick slowly rolls out of the driveway, I don’t even have to do anything to get it to move. It’s as if the car already knows what I want to. The road to VCU begins here, so does the rest of my life. I give one last glance at the ones who raised me for 18 years straight, thanking them with my eyes. I salute, my final send off. Now it’s time. Suddenly I’m uneasy. My body is shaking from head to toe. Feels like my bones have left my body along with my sense of humility. It’s my time, this is my time. I will not fuck this up, not now. My right foot eases on the gas. The ice in my veins doesn’t help me think. I drive like a zombie. It hit me. Reality has set in, just when I need it. My family is shrinking in my rear view mirror, along with my confidence in myself. Keep driving, don’t fuck this up. I drive to end of the next block and stop at the sign, like I'm supposed to. This is the longest stop sign I have ever been at; I hope it’s the last because I don’t want to stop. Not here. I pull over and bash my head against the steering wheel this world gave me. The ice in my veins melts and rushes to my eyes. I can’t control it. I try to stop it but it’s been a long time coming. Nothing works. Emotions, thoughts and memories plague my existence. Where I am today has everything to do with what I was yesterday and that pisses me off. It pisses me that I can’t get past it and the fact that I am a block away from the source of it all and that I’m not big enough to admit to them that how I feel. I can’t even admit those feelings to myself without the jerk of my pathetic tears. I pull out my cell phone, one of the many things my parents will be paying for besides my education. I have regrets. Everyone does, I’m just too stupid to face them. Even if I did, what good would it do? “Hello? Hello? Jude?” “You know I hate when you call me that.” Kelly can see through my soul. That’s a good thing. She knows when something is wrong and I don’t even have to tell her. “Jonah… Just keep driving. I’ll be there tomorrow.” “Leave today. Come with me.” “You know they won’t let me in the dorms until tomorrow.” “I don’t care, I’ll sleep in this care with you.” “Jude, that won’t help anything and you know that. You have to start this life on your own, with or without your parents approval.” “…Fucking hell Kelly…” “Jude this is your life. If it is bothering you so much, then I'm not the right person to be talking to. Where are you?” “1700 Danville.” “It’s not too late, go back and tell your family.” “…OK…ok.” “Judah, don’t be afraid. I'm proud of you, I always have been and always will be.” “Kelly?” “Yeah Jude?” “Thank you.” I cleaned up my eyes, got out of my car and walked the block to the one place I might be able to call home, once I settle this. My parents weren’t on the lawn anymore, I’m sure they were thinking they wouldn’t see me for another four years. In this case, I exceeded their expectations. I pull out my keys and look at them, hard. Every time I look at them, the voice of mom comes up in my head: “I’m giving you these so that you have a way to get back in. This will be your home, always.” She said that when I was only ten. Eight years later I’m still depending on them. I put the key in the door and turned it. It was already unlocked. Something is wrong, dad always locks the door. Always. I walk in. It’s silent but there’s no gold here. Just my worst fear and the person I didn’t want to see. “Well Mr. Carver, you’ve come at a very opportune time.”