{eternity in a second} my work

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by goldengoaliex910, Jul 17, 2003.

  1. #1

    goldengoaliex910 Well-Known Member

    Mar 1, 2003
    Likes Received:

    i can feel it stronger
    this uncontrollable anxiety
    rising constantly from the depths of my soul...
    a soul that is trapped
    in the deeper depths of my mind.

    and there is no way to set it free.

    the guard of my stone emotion
    forever watching, watching...
    never letting my soul, my collection
    of true feelings escape my head...
    my insides have turned cold; my heart?
    black as the dead of night, forever locked away
    in the confinements of my mind and soul...
    the worst prison imaginable.

    and there is no way to set it free.

    but now i met you; i can feel my heart get brighter.
    i can see my guards letting down for a minute.
    shall i grab the chance, or get hurt again?
    for this prison has stolen all the remaining trust,
    all of the remaining love, all feelings but these ones
    of hate, of hurt, and of betrayal.

    and there is no way to set them free.
    look who's laughing now
    it is everyone but me
    but aren't i howling with everybody,
    for anyone to see?

    it seems laughing along with you
    makes me feel so much worse
    i tried to follow your advice
    but now these wounds, i will not nurse

    and laughter'll go on, unceasingly,
    until i finally rid the pain
    but how can you stop the hurt
    when it keeps driving you insane?

    and my insanity turns to bitterness,
    bitterness to unmeant words
    the words come back and haunt my dreams
    whose thoughts won't go unheard.

    and now this pain has driven me
    down some unspoken path
    a path that leads to where i am
    caught somewhere inside your wrath

    and not one will try to save me,
    i can't take this anymore
    because this feeling of worthlessness, nothingness
    has become such a bore.

    so i guess this is the only way out,
    and queerly, i'm not scared
    instead i'm glad, for with this knife,
    i'll leave this constant dispair.
    im standing in the doorway
    halfway between reality
    and imagination
    which could be worse?
    whats the greater hell?
    knowing for sure whats worse?
    or just thinking you know...

    where can you turn?
    [when the pain is just too great]
    where do you go?
    [when there is nothing left but hate]
    who is left to trust?
    [when the people never care]
    and there is nothing but dispair?
    [and there is nothing but dispair]

    killing me from the inside
    taking these words
    stabbing them in, twisting
    the wounds will never heal
    how can i keep living
    when my only love is gone
    and the only others left
    are the ones that murdered me?


    now i give up trying
    [cause the pain is just too great]
    not a friend left in the world
    [cause there is nothing left but hate]
    my love for you still lingers
    [but now i know youll never care]
    and it is crushed by the dispair
    [but it is crushed by the dispair]

    when i needed you the most
    i knew you wouldnt be there
    because i know i hurt you
    because my cruelty escaped
    because my love was beaten
    my love was held down

    but i never meant to hurt you

    friends, the best
    i loved you the most
    a person could love
    why did i let it evolve?
    why did i have to love you like that?
    why couldnt the love stay like it was?
    and i knew... i knew i would be crushed

    but i never meant to hurt you.

    i knew i would be hurt
    as soon as the feeling started
    but the feeling was love, is love
    somehow i still believe,
    i still hope you love me too
    i know its hopeless
    because i know you dont love me.

    but i never meant to hurt you
    how can you believe this face is me?
    this face i wear, this mask is real?
    why dont you look into me?
    i need you to see!
    i need you to look,
    look at me, here i am
    i know you can ####### see me,
    now see me!
    before they kill me again,
    before they strike
    before their words cut inside and tear my heart
    out and drop it to the floor
    i know you can see me!
    i know, its in my eyes, deep, somewhere
    you have to look!
    look at me!
    before i kill myself again
    before i take this knife
    ill heal myself, thank you
    look at the blood flowing
    is this what you wanted?!
    well, thats what you get
    for looking but not seeing me
    i need you to see!
    you cant just look,
    you cant just fuel the fire
    you have to see!
    i feel you there again
    hiding from me
    i try to kill you
    but you keep coming back
    ruining me
    i feel my hate rise
    above, to the level its never reached
    and i kill you
    but you keep coming back
    for more
    dont you see?
    dont you see what youre doing to me?
    youre scarring me from the inside
    until im nothing but the
    terrified little child
    i know i am deep down
    and i let it show
    when you are near.

    (note: bonus points to whoever can guess what the one above is about :shifty: )
    my life.
    the perfect picture.
    no flaws, no imperfections.
    only to the untrained eye, of course.

    deep inside
    the vault of us.
    theres nothing there.
    there nothing but hate and only hate.
    "itll be okay"
    words repeated meaning nothing.
    for my soul has been torn out.
    my heart, ripped from its proper place.
    stomped on... til it is nothing but
    a memory of the happiness.
    the black, the grey... they start to seep in.

    "forever together"
    "best friends for life"
    what meaning do they have
    when a world can be
    turned upside down at the blink of an eye.
    change is the worst possible thing
    no longer am i the secure loving boy i was...
    i am replaced with the cold stares
    and stabbing words of my "friends"
    whatever left of my heart is ripped in two.
    ripped in four. in eight. into nothing.
    the black, the grey... they are here to stay.

    i find myself in a world of nothing.
    a mix of people and places.
    all grey. all black. all white.
    i cant take this anymore...
    the fleeting feeling of everything
    and nothing at once.
    tearing me apart.
    pulling me back together somehow.
    and tearing me apart again.
    the black, the grey... i need something more.

    an accident, maybe
    the way it started.
    but the addiction became worse
    the need, the longing
    the red
    i needed the color, i needed the feeling
    the numb was too much to bear
    yet its becoming numb as well
    there is nothing more.
    nothing more.
    the black, the grey... its too much to handle.

    the end, a relief
    nothing left but nothing...
    so why not end it when youre dead already?
    dead on the inside?
    a take the knife
    after i swallow the pills
    i trace my vein one last time
    before hate takes over again

    :breathe in:
    :breathe out:
    :breathe in:

    and there is nothing.
    everything, all sound is deafened
    i can see in flashes.
    there. the razor.
    there. the vein.
    there. the blood.
    there. the floor.

    no feeling.
    i cant feel the razor tearing my skin.
    i cant feel the blood running down my arm
    i cant feel myself wither up into a ball
    i cant feel anything except a moment.
    one moment.
    a pang of regret.
    and then nothing.
    and nothing forever more.
    as we stand here, lost, dark, cold, and bare
    we look at each other, and the sunshine; it breaks through.
    our angst is taking over, life was a nightmare
    but now, my hand in yours, i will survive 'cause i have you.

    friends forever, after meeting only days ago
    our love and care will ultimately take care of everything
    talking for minutes, and look, lo and behold
    i have someone, finally, wholl take me under their wing.

    life has seemed so dim, ive been so lost and so afraid
    but theres something in your words that keeps me going on
    i know that with each other, we can see another day
    and that i need you the most, because without you id be gone.

    and our love will go on, forever, even if we're gone
    but, for now, we will survive, and together, we'll face the dawn.
    i hold you so close to my heart. but i knew it was over before it began. now you hate me. and there is nothing i can do to make you change. i walk out on the grass, wet on my feet. a chill goes down my spine. but it is not the dew... not the coolness of the air... but the realization. the epiphany. that you dont love me... and i dont love you as i thought i did. because youre not worth it. the effort it takes to hold your composure... to keep your cool... to remain nonchalant while feeling so much. i turn my back on the rising sun... on you... and close the door.
  2. #2

    LinkinTheory Well-Known Member

    Jun 22, 2003
    Likes Received:

    Uh, dude? You went a little overboard! It'll take awhile just to get to the bottom. You could have some good stuff there, but how can we tell if we get tired of reading before the end? Just a thought.
  3. #3

    goldengoaliex910 Well-Known Member

    Mar 1, 2003
    Likes Received:


    i dont care if anyone reads em all. just there for your reading pleasure if you have any free time.

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