Edilox's Tale (The opening chapter to a book that I'm contemplating)

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Calvin, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. #1

    Calvin The rhythm projects 'round the next sound... LPA VIP

    Apr 8, 2012
    Likes Received:

    Basically, this is a mid-evil epic that I'm thinking about writing a full-on book about. As corny as it is, I'd like any feedback I can get on this. Mind you this is a rough draft and it is five in the morning so my writing won't be at it's best, but even so, hope you enjoy it. :)


    As rupturous laughter echoed in the distance, Edilox adjourned from his formerly remedial chamber. The logfire crackled from the large stone fireplace of which casted a darkness over the light rug. Some might say this was the foreshadowing of what was to come.

    Cautiously, he closed the elfwood door behind him which permitted entry into the lonely home, and wiskfully strolled down to the parting in the wood which granted leave from the village, nodding suspiciously at a stranger that grunted at him on the way. Gazing long into the glistening stars, he pondered as to whether or not the mother that had once been lost giving birth to him was watching over lovingly. Edilox had not known love, nor had he shown yearning for such affection; though the nightly tears and cries that could be heard from his bed chambers confirmed the truth that lay below this facade of content. This journey was to be harkened with hurtful thoughts of loneliness and recollection of recent, recollection of when Edilox lost his twin brother Letinox.

    Laws had been passed against venturing into the remnants of an ancient battle ground on the other side of the valley, which needless to say was all too tempting for two mischevious young boys. The brothers had planned this night for many-a-night and were excited to see their plans come to fruition. Upon arrival though, was a cruel wind that cut through the youth like nails in a coffin, and as Letinox slowly proceeded, his footsteps concealed in a low mist, followed closely by a terrified Edilox, an omnipresent whisper rose form the silence and repeatedly called Edilox's name stopping him in his tracks. He stood brandished in fear, catching Letinox's eyes, ash-ridden with a gaze that he believed he would never see. A gaze he thought would always be absent of weakness, of cowardice, a gaze that Edilox believed would strike fear into the heart of a lion someday. Letinox's face betrayed helplessness.

    Storm clouds gathered above as the mist thickened all around. The brothers stood back to back in a desperate attempt to protect each other. The whisper began to grow louder and Letinox urged his young brother to follow him so long as they may escape. Upon advancing through the mist, Edilox felt a presence behind him and turned around semi-unwillingly, nothing was in front of him and paranoia sank in of the possibility of thee unseen evil circling to ambush him from behind and so Edilox turned back around abruptly, longing for the comforting sight of his brother. Nothing was in sight. Fear sank in. Suddenly, an outline could be seen advancing towards him through the mist, Edilox hesitantly called out his brother's name to the figure. With no response he continued, "Please stop playing tricks, brother, you're frightening me". This last word was sliced short as his brother's scream came from behind and drained all signs of life from Edilox's face. All sense of safety vanished and once more Edilox turned around to the startling figure that now stood right before him. The shadow of the towering figure was the last sight Edilox would recall of this day.

    If fear was felt as the boy approached the scene of his brother's disappearance, never would it be passed on through the village's folklore, for none dare questioned the courage of the Great Edilox of Mellowtrim. Once arriving at the battleground, he stood a hero's stance concealing his brother's dagger behind his back and called out "Whatever brand of evil you are, I demand you show yourself instead of lurking in the shadows like a coward!". For what seemed like an eternity, seconds passed by of self-doubt and anxiety until the same bone-chilling voice that had once called out his name began laughing maniachly in ever-rising volume. At this Edilox screamed into the once again gathering mist, "What are you laughing at you pathetic excuse for a man!". In an echoing whisper the voice replied, "I am not of flesh, nor am I of blood. I am but doomed to an eternity of annoyance. Such annoyance is but a result of pesky little children such as you. Tell me, do you expect to kill me with that dagger you wield at your spine? Do you really have the audacity to stand before me in challenge, yet not even address me with a real weapon?" Edilox's legs began to shake and his jaw quivvered as he tried with vigor to conceal his fear. Through the corner of his eye, Edilox could see a familar figure standing but 6 feet from him, he turned in bewilderment to set his eyes upon his brother. For a split-second he was abundantly happy that his brother had returned to him, then he saw absence in Letinox's eyes, the lack of colour in the pigment of his skin. Gazing down, Edilox's surprise grew wildly as he gazed upon the dagger he was holding but a moment ago, pierced through his brother's heart. "Did I do that?" Edilox wondered, his eyes wide as he felt to his knees. Reality evolved into a dream and the edges of his vision blurred with what might have been tears or simply the declining of consciousness. As he fell backwards onto his heels and his eyes slowly began to close, he could have sworn he heard distant shouts and that same figure appear, this time with sword drawn and hoisting the boy up onto his shoulder. Blackness consumed his vision as he mouthed his brother's name one last time.

    Thus the tale of Edilox began. Not was his helm fitting nor his shield light, though through what some may call a 'naive' willpower, the destiny that lay before the young man was to be glorious. Even the greatest gift though, is paralleled by a concealed evil. The young man, formerly of light nature and heartfelt laugh, was to grow into a figure of resentment, a figure who's sillouhette would strike fear unto the hearts of savagery and cause unease to even the gentle souls.
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2012

Share This Page