Here's just a few thoughts on my current situation. Edit: As a side note, I wrote this all basically off the cuff at about 6am when I couldn't sleep. I typed it into my phone as it came to me. I wrote the first 4 lines about 10 minutes ago to finish the poem off "Drnk Txt Rmeo? Like Fuck..." As I sit on this bar stool, I tickle my phone with my thumbs, Pucker in the buttons to create harsh dial tones, Anger and misfortune all rolled into one, That bitch has said this all before so now I'm fucking done, Please pardon my French 'cause I'm a little bit drunk, I've been texting my ex, she says we were in love, She says she threw it away, she says be angry with her, But my small brain couldn't handle it, even when we were together, She's got a new man now, but still texts frequently, Leaving this distaste in my mouth repeatedly, But "nice talking to her, I guess I'll see her soon," But I neglect to mention the girl opposite me on this stool, Laughing whole-heartedly, she winks and kisses me, My distraction from reaction that I hold with such simplicity, But don't tell her I said that, though she's not weak at heart, I'd hate to lose her; I hate when we're apart, The ramblings of a madman with a lot of shit on his chest, And a vocabulary he uses just to keep the world impressed.
It's pretty good. It maintains a really rhythmic, steady flow very well which is something considering some of the language used. Just a small detail but I'd probably put a comma in between "it" and "even". As for the theme, I can relate to it completely. haha
Cheers man I've thrown that comma in as well, it makes sense. Thanks for pointing it out The situation's annoying as fuck though, innit?