This is my...coming-out-of-writers-block poem. Not my favorite but it's alright. The rain falls on the window and drips down to the base You want so much for it to land in your mouth and wash out the bad taste But you're apathetic to everything and the color has left your face Even things that once echoed have now become muffled and impossible to understand You're not sure how you got here, but you want to leave this place. You used to know yourself like the back of your hand And now when you see yourself in the mirror, you only see another man And all he wants is to live in a perpetual dreamland But reality hurts too much It feels like acid and burns away your flesh simply at the touch Once it lands on your skin, everything you thought you knew is erased And your mind becomes a barren wasteland All you need is for someone to call your name And grab your bruised and calloused hand But no one hears your pathetic, pleading cry And so you realize your defeat and you collapse on the ground From the heat that you can't stand and you're down to your last breath Your eyes are glazed over with death and you glance once more At the sky and meerly panting you cry "Please, God, let me die!" And with a crash of thunder, it's your wish it's finally granting.
Great vocabulary and idea, but a bit rough on presentation and flow. A few lines also seemed rushed. Good job all-in-all.
You had a great idea going but the whole thing seemed far too forced. Keep trying. Writers block really sucks, hope you get over it soon.