Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.
@Louie. You are doing so much to help us. Can we do anything to help you?
@Carla O yes... I'd really wish I could give you something back for all your words. Every single one of you because you all helped me so much since yesterday
Just talking to people is helping me. Knowing that someone might benefit from something I post is affirming me again. Iver time this may help weaken my negative thoughts about myself. I realised today that they have gone deep so helping you and others is good, maybe I am worth something and am good enough lije friends and colleagues tell me
You are wonderful! You are full of compassion and understanding and it's a breath of fresh air during a very dark time.
You're helping much and there's no need of thinking you are small and not worthy. You helped me and your words are needed here <3
@dreamerpoet thank you for that comment. I feel very humbled by it. I am only doing what I spent the last year working my ass of training for. I am a cognitive behavioural therapist and realise that I can't do real therapy here but some simple things can be used here and can help. It reminds me of the techniques and that maybe I need to use them too
I want to say that in life I'm someone who will often feel bad or heartbroken if other people feel bad. It pains me to see people hurt.
It pains me that Chester was hurting inside.
I'll try to sleep now... thankful for you all. I'm back tomorrow. ❤️
To everyone here.
I WISH YOU BE HAPPY
I WISH YOU BE WELL
I WISH YOUR SUFFERING TO BE RELIEVED
And i send you ALL love and hugs
Tips and techniques are a godsend right now. I know full well tomorrow is going to be an extremely hard day for me.....has been every year for 10 years LP was always my way of getting through and I'm just...not going to go there this year, and I have been scrambling trying to figure out how I was going to keep my head above water.....and I've been scrolling through a jotting down a few notes to get me through tomorrow. and I'm so thankful that you've shared them.
@Louis, are you a professional therapist? Everything you say makes so much sense that I can't shake off the felling that you are. I'm sending you dozen virtual hugs and thank yous for your concern and taking time to write here and ease our pain. I know you have to be feeling pretty awful yourself so it must be difficult for you to console us while hurting. I have to say, again, how sorry I'm about your friend and the fact you're reliving things again but, and we've said it hundred times already, it's depression that took them away, the feeling of complete despair and the fact they saw only a narrow, dark tunnel, it's an instantenous decision which none of us could have done anything about. We can say if only I,,,, a hundred times but it won't change anything. We are helpless in a situation like this and we can only remember them by the good they did. Like you can see, I'm thinking rationally now unlike before. It's hard to think straight when your grief takes over and that was where those ''where's Chester'' thoughts appeared. It's completely pointless to think about it, he found his peace and so should we. I won't say thoughts like these won't appear again tomorrow but I'll try my best to distract myself from it or try to reason with them like my therapist taught me long time ago when I went to see her. Whenever they appear you start asking yourself questions and give answers to them. It's a techinque that works but should be practised. In a situation like this, I haven't found a technique that works, just don't have the strength. I follow my daily routine but most of the time just feel like sitting on the couch. It was different when my uncle died, everybody understood why I felt sad and were supportive if I wanted to be in bed. This time they say he was just some celebrity and allowed me to grief for a brief period of time. My friend told me yesterday she saw I posted some things on social networks and was surprised because she knew I only went to concert in June, didn't know they mean so much to me. I told her I've always cared about them even when I wasn't following their work but don't want to bother people with it because most people don't listen to them and I don't see a point in talking about them. Maybe that's part of the problem, they don't care, in this situation, about the same things I do. And I'm not ashamed to show my feelings and sadness (I couldn't start getting over some very ugly things 12 years ago until I learnt to cry) but I feel like I'm stuck in the same patterns of behaviour since Thursday and don't move forward although I desperately want to get better and feel happy again. It obviously doesn't work like that, we can't rush anything but I also don't like my behaviour very much right now. The cricle continues when I start feeling happy and then guilty again. I know Chester meant a lot to a lot of people, myself included, and we need to honour his life and good things he left behind and I'm trying to repeat that to myself: cherish his life and legacy, not think about death. But if I don't think about his death I'll be in denial again because he seems very much alive and as soon as I realize he's gone, I'll heal faster.
@dreamerpoet tomorrow is a new day. Look for one moment in each day where you have found pleasure or achievement. Note it down. In a calm moment look at what led to it, how you felt in your body, the mood before during and after, any change in thoughts. Keep a record over the days and weeks. Thus will build a pleasure able activity chart and can help you see what helps you cope
Keeping active is a good way of lifting our mood. Aim for a balance between pleasure and achievement. Getselfhelp is a great website with CBT tools and have an activity diary you can use to help with this. Its all free to use as well. Great self help resources there too for depression and anxiety
Usually it's music or writing.....so I do at least know what helps me......I think I will be doing a lot of writing tomorrow, as like I said, usually it's LP that helps and that won't happen. I need to find another song that helps but doesn't bring me to my knees. I've used Shadow of the Day faithfully for 10 years to cry, scream and get over the bad thoughts that cross my mind every July 26th.....but not this year.......I know myself too well (and am thankful I know better) I just.....have to write my thoughts out and avoid music this year I guess.
Its freaking me out a bit that I had a massive panic attack for no reason early morning of his death( like 3am). Before anyone even knew. Ik its probably just a weird coincident. but I can't help but thinking while I was having my panic attack he was dying. Idk why I can't stop thinking about it. I've been dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts severely prior to his death and I'm trying to be strong. RIP Chester
You ARE strong.... you are here and talking.....talking is the first step.
Panic can be disabling. Did you interpret the symptoms as anything happening to you. This or the link you made to chester may be what made it so bad for you. It is an assumption though you made, it isn't a fact. Our minds have evolved to be tricky to us and this hurts.
Music is good. Tgere will be other stuff around. Write a letter to the people involved, express everything. Get it out on paper. Burn it. See my post about compassion focused therapy for trauma. The compassionate mind guide to recovering from trauma and ptsd is a really useful book. Written to be used by therapists and by anyone suffering trauma without a therapist. Easy read too. Has goid exercises to do that actually work
Beautiful people. I need to try to sleep now. @dreamerpoet my thoughts will be with you tomorrow. I'll be back here tomorrow if you want to chat. Stay strong soldiers. It's what chester and the guys would want
Funny you say write and burn it that is EXACTLY what I have done in the past and has worked beautifully (and I am definitely doing it again) I always picture the negative thoughts going up in the smoke, I visualize it going out and away from me.
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