Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. Benny_

    Benny_ Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2017
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    3



    Feel ok then celebration evening happens and then feel down for a while then ok then autopsy stuff comes out and back to square one then ok again and new stuff from Mike comes out and back to the old again..need to really take a break from following talinda etc but it's hard to as like to follow what she has to say as it's so insightful in some ways as even though it seems macabre I want to know what she has to say regarding those last days in some way to find out if there were any signs etc....its getting me down big time
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  2. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2017
    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    248



    Does anyone else still have problems with watching LP interviews and concerts? It can be days when it's ok for me to wach them and quite enjoy and then, for two or three days, I can't watch anything because it's overwhelming. I keep thinking ''this is it, there'll never be a concert again, he is gone, this will never happen again'' and it makes me angry because I should accept it by now and not have mood swings like the ones immediately after everything. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to normally watch videos again.
     
  3. Ben

    Ben Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2009
    Messages:
    968
    Likes Received:
    164



    I feel like a lot of times Linkin Park released music around May or June. I'm a teacher, and so this is when students get really excited about summer break. I always looked forward to hearing the new stuff. I remember rushing home from work one day when iTunes began streaming Living Things in its entirety so I could listen to it. I also remember getting an email containing Wretches and Kings and rushing home so I could listen to that. I remember when The Hunting Party first leaked and trying to listen to shitty qualities of the songs on my phone in the bathroom during lunch breaks. I always associated these times with the nice, warm weather and all-around joy that students had with them when summer break was approaching. I don't know why, but I had a random thought this morning that I'll never get to experience that again. Just one of those small random things I took for granted.
     
    TV likes this.
  4. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,854
    Likes Received:
    2,311



    It's mixed. Listening to their music I've been able to do for a few months now, and I can even listen to OML live without issue.

    But once I watch an interview with Chester or watch a video of Chester performing? Can't do it. I at most make it through 1-2 songs and have to stop. Cause I realize the person I am looking at isn't with us any more and it's a punch right in the gut.
     
    Doridorica likes this.
  5. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2017
    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    248



    Thanks for your reply, it’s strangely comforting to know there are people going through the same because sometimes it feels like I’m alone in these feelings after almost 7 months. I feel odd because I should get used to watching live videos by now.
    The feeling of sadness hit me today after accidently coming across a live video and I realized he’ll never perform again and we’ll never get to go to a concert to see him or have M&G. It has been easy to watch them for the last couple of days so this hit me pretty hard. I wonder when it’ll be easy to watch them every day without being sad.
     
  6. Lotus

    Lotus Death by panda cuteness LPA VIP

    Joined:
    May 5, 2014
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    206



    It goes with ups and downs. I listen to LP almost every day in the car without too much trouble, but I was watching The Catalyst on Youtube yesterday, just listing to Chester's amazing vocals and I suddenly got hit with this overwhelming sadness that we'll never get to hear a new song with his voice on it again (except for maybe a demo) and it bummed me out like nothing else... His death still really hurts and I think it will continue to hurt for a while. So yeah, you're not alone in this.
     
  7. Evan_5397

    Evan_5397 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2012
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    3



    So I took a lot of inspiration and strength from Chester, like many of us it felt as if he was somehow singing about our lives to us as a way to help or console us. I’ve kind of given them a break, some songs I can listen to,some I can’t. I’ve been dealing with some relationship stuff the last while and just now after getting home from a night out I played “nobody can save me” and it just hit me all over again, except the strength of Chester that I usually drew from is gone now and I feel very lost. I can’t believe I’m even typing this but I’m fearful for myself if I keep it in. I don’t know what to do. Life is hard.
     
  8. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,854
    Likes Received:
    2,311



    I think it's because in the wake of his passing, and due to the circumstances of his passing...it's impossible not to watch him in live performances and interviews and start over analyzing his body language and his eyes for signs he was struggling. So it just makes it hard to watch some of those. Like the last concert he ever played. There appears to be so many signs with his body language etc.
     
    about2break likes this.
  9. about2break

    about2break Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2017
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    21



    totally cried when I watched the Carpool Kareoke with the over analyzing (sorry if I said this already. haven't been able to get on this site in some time). Scary how I can empathize.
    Yeah, so I haven't been able to get into much. Move on. Support the new stuff. I absolutely do not mean this to be callous. It's just how I need to cope. I do, or did actually, recently just think about putting in some Hybrid Theory. I was reminescing about how happy One Step Closer made me when it first came out. :D so I do hold on to that stuff!

    best wishes to folks reading this thread. hang in there!
     
  10. The Free Element

    The Free Element Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    85



    Hi boys. Uhm, I don't really know if this is the right place for this post... if it's not, feel free to delete it. I don't want to bother anybody. So... two days ago my girlfriend attempted suicide. While she doesn't have a diagnosys for depression, she do suffers Asperger syndrome and that makes her more exposed to anxiety and depression disorders. She tried to call me in the morning, before doing it, but I was sleeping and I had my phone on silent mode on the night. She didn't hurted herself so bad, it could've gone really worse, but she's still suffering from the trauma and today she asked to be taken back to the hospital because she doesn't feel safe alone in her bedroom. Now, we even live in different cities, and it takes like two/three hours of train to get there for me and I'm at home sick, so I couldn't even seen her in person yet. In the confusion and the sadness, I ended up here. I don't know why. I just feel useless. I care about her more than I do about myself. And of course I know I'm no savior, but it's still so hard to understand. I always believed that even just be there for her did something, it never felt enough, but it was something. People always told me so. Now I'm not sure anymore. I'm sorry if I made someone's day worse somehow, I didn't want to. But I don't know what to think anymore.
     
  11. minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2004
    Messages:
    12,500
    Likes Received:
    1,392



    It's not your fault if you don't feel that what you do is "enough", and you should make sure that you remain healthy with a good support system for yourself. You can't help someone else if you're in a bad state.
     
    The Free Element likes this.
  12. The Free Element

    The Free Element Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    85



    Yeah, you're right. I'm opening up more with my mother about how I feel in these days, and I don't do that very often. It's helpful.
     
  13. Hybrid

    Hybrid Meow! This cat has claws! LPA Team

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2011
    Messages:
    10,677
    Likes Received:
    631



    Hey, man... The important thing is that she is still alive. You need to know too that it is not your fault. Work on feeling better yourself and then you'll be in a good spot to be there for her. I hope that helps. :)
     
    The Free Element likes this.
  14. about2break

    about2break Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2017
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    21



    trying to be happy about the Meteora anniversary (15 years-mini yay), but I listen to/watch Breaking the Habit and it's just so depressing. This used to be my favorite song. Used to give me energy, excitement, and hope. Perhaps it's still there. I'm still confused about the message of the song. I think it's an anti suicide song, or a caution for drugs or something, but I can't help but just feel sad now since Chester's passing. The irony being that Numb is playing now. I'm almost feeling numb right now about the song that once gave me chills. I mean, it's pain, but I'm numb about my love for it...or am I still just mad? It's obviously about more than just a song, but sadly it now represents the blow we all felt so many months ago.

    I have to talk about this, get closure or something, but I feel so vulnerable and sorry and sad to bring it up again. :( I hope I've read this thread and other threads on LPA correctly in that we have free speech and we're all grieving differently. It's always hard when I open up like this, but folks have always been nice to me and forgiving and understanding with everyone. I just had to say this. Peace!
     
  15. minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2004
    Messages:
    12,500
    Likes Received:
    1,392



    I think it helps to remember that Shinoda wrote that song basically all on his own.
     
  16. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    137



    Hi guys. It's been a while since I last wrote here. The last few months have been really tough for me. There are a lot of things bothering me, making me feel incredible pain. I'm hopeless about how I feel and see things, scared of the future. I've talked to my best friend about it, to a couple of other friends, but I still have the same fears. It's not their fault, they've given me incredibly huge support. I'm the one who can't seem to find a way to progress in grief. I know it's different for everyone, but I just needed to write this somewhere. My mind is constantly crying for help, but I haven't shared this too much, because I'm scared others won't understand. I've seen some other people having similar problems, so I'm also sharing my situation so that they can see they're not alone. Because most of the times, I'm just hoping to find someone who'll feel the same. Not that I want them to be in pain, it's just that the feeling of being the only one who can possibly feel this way makes it all so much more desperate for me.

    The essence of it is that I think I've been a bad fan. I've listened to Mike's EP the day it came out, and I had the biggest breakdown since last October's show. It was a really bad experience for me. I can't touch LP songs either. I've been staying away from it, because it makes me feel so bad, it makes me fall into a deeper hole than the one I was already in because of my depression. Ironically, LP was what made me happy before all of this happened, but now, it's the opposite. So I've been doing other little things, like puzzles, reading, playing board games with my best friend, silly things like that. It doesn't make me feel incredibly better, but it helps me keep my emotional balance.
    At the same time, like I said, I feel terrible about it, because I think I haven't been supporting the guys like I should, specially Mike, with their new projects. And I don't know if I'm doing well by not listening to the songs, even though they make me feel terrible. The bad side of my brain tells me "You're just avoiding pain, as long as you don't touch the songs, you'll never progress in grief." And then, I feel like I'm letting Mike, the band, Chester, down. The community has been engaging so much, they've been supporting each other, and the guys. Most are so excited with the new songs, and Mike's future shows. And I just can't feel it. I feel doubly bad. I feel bad with all the songs, I have breakdowns when I listen to those or think about Mike performing them soon, and I feel bad for not being excited. Because my brain tells me "You should be supporting him, you're not a true fan if you feel bad about his new things." I'm also unable to feel well while engaging with others, but it has nothing to do with the community. I love this family so, so much. But currently, everything is a reminder of what happened. I'm unable to put the love, caring and support of engaging with others, above the incredible pain I'm feeling with Chester's loss. And this is the main reason I haven't shared this, because I don't want this family to think I'm saying their love and support means nothing. No, it means SO much. But I'm damaged inside, and I can't seem to find a way of fixing this, so I can start feeling good, or at peace with myself.
    I've been consumed by these thoughts for weeks now. When I'm at my worst, those aren't the only things my brain tells me, it can tell me a lot worse than this. But, generally, what gives me pain now is not being able to feel joy or happiness about any of the songs. Nothing remotely positive. I'm scared it will be like this forever, I'm scared I'll never be able to put the good memories of Chester above the pain of his loss. But anything band-wise is just still a fresh reminder of that pain, and besides that pain, there's the extra guilt of feeling like I'm not supporting them properly. There have been moments that I tried to go through some songs, but it made me feel worse... I just don't know what to do. And I want to get out of this mind state where everything that I feel, is a reason for me to think Mike, Chester and the guys wouldn't be proud. That what I feel isn't valid, or isn't the right thing to feel. I just wanna be able to support them, and enjoy the community, without feeling terrible, damaged, and like there's no future. I love this band so much, but right now, anything that has to do with them doesn't make me feel good, to a point where my brain tells me "How can you say you love them, if you're not happy with anything they're doing and is helping them move on?"

    I'm sorry this is so long, and that my thoughts might seem all over the place, but if you took the time to read this, thank you guys so much. If you have any advice, please let me know :')

    PS: I also wanted to say that I'm always on social media. Despite what I feel, I do wanna support the band, send them love, and see their new projects. But it's been like a huge fight between me, my brain, and my heart. One side wants to be able to enjoy the new things, to be around for them and others, but the other is automatically crumbling down in pain and into a dark hole. So, I don't know if being so much online has been bad for me and my health.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2018
  17. Noosh

    Noosh Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2017
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    37



    Sorry that you've been struggling so much lately. Also you're not a "bad fan" because you haven't listened to their music in ages because it sets off negative emotions, chances are nearly everyone on the forum probably couldn't listen to their music for a long time either. I even imagine the band themselves are struggling to listen to their own work too. But there is nothing wrong with not listening to their music if it makes you feel worse, focus on keeping yourself healthy and look after yourself before worrying about supporting the band. I'll admit that I can't relate but I hope you're feeling better soon.
     
    YoMarques likes this.
  18. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    137



    Thank you for your answer, it means a lot. I was scared my post could come across as me saying I don't like the band anymore, or that I don't appreciate this huge family anymore. It's quite the opposite, actually. That's why I've been feeling bad for not being able to feel any type of joy, because the band and the community means a lot to me. I'm constantly scared of feeling alone, since I don't feel the same things as others. I know it's my brain telling me that, but it's such an automated process for years now, to believe I don't matter.
    I'll try to think more about me first. I just hope some day I'll be able to listen to the songs again and feel okay, and be able to remember the good memories more than the bad ones. And I wanna believe that, even if I don't listen to it yet, it doesn't mean I don't support them. Can't let the bad side of my brain win :') I honestly just want them to heal and be okay, and I hope I'll have the strength to do the same with me.
    Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer :)
     
  19. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2017
    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    248



    Sorry you've been feeling like that lately but remember that first you have to take care of yourself, get yourself out of feeling depressed before trying anything else. I know depression can be a really scary thing and if you have any support system that would be great. It doesn't necessarily mean a psychologist but somebody you can talk to about your feelings, it doesn't even have to be in person since there are so many of us who found a support system online. This tragedy hit us so hard but it also united us and we started writing on forums and message boards.
    Second, don't feel bad about not listening to the band anymore, it doesn't mean anything let alone that you're a bad fan. This tragedy basically came out of nowhere and everybody heals at their own pace. Some sought comfort in LP songs but some couldn't and still can't listen to them. It will take time before you can do it but that doesn't mean you gave up on them. It just means you haven't healed yet and that's alright. Don't force yourself to do something just because you feel you need to or somebody says you should. Nobody can tell you what to do, only you know that. Believe me when I say that none of us can still believe that Chester passed away and we still have hard time listening to LP songs. Maybe not always, but there are days when I have to stop watching because it all becomes too much. It doesn't mean we don't support them but it's our way of self-preservation which is something we should all do: think of ourselves because we have to live with our thoughts 24/7. I'm sure you'll be able to listen to them somewhere in the future but if that day hasn't come yet that's perfectly fine.
     
    YoMarques likes this.
  20. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    137



    Thank you so much for your support. And I agree with you, we're all even more united now. I do have a psychologist, but she recently gave birth and I guess I'm also missing those appointments, that's why I'm having a harder time processing everything.
    Thanks for the encouraging words about not being able to listen to the songs yet. I know everyone's still suffering, and I want you all to heal as well. Even if I might be going through a hard time, I want you all to know that I'm always with you guys, in spirit, and you can always talk to me if you need. <3
     

Share This Page