Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.
I saw that too, I was like WTF
Hey guys, so I'm back here to let you know that I'm still reading everything that's written in this thread. Now I feel the urge to share my feelings. I'm better... I'm not that sad anymore and I'm not crying... This doesn't mean that I'm fine or that I feel good. It's still like a dark cloud above my head everyday, just that sometimes the dark cloud moves to let some light through. I'm not the mess I was the last weeks but I definitely know that I won't ever be the same I was before. There still are many songs that are hard to listen to. "Final masquerade" gives me a heavy feeling at the moment but this doesn't mean I don't listen to it. It's like I need this feeling sometimes you know? I need to feel the pain, feel the truth again. I want to remember him, every feeling, every mood he gave me all the years I've known him.
It's really confusing with Chester, because on the one hand I'm thinking, Chester is the LAST person I'd ever expect to do this. But on the other hand.. why would I think that? He's spoken about his depression so candidly.. even revealed suicidal thoughts. So why am I so surprised by this? I think it's partly because of of what you said Derek, he always pulled through. He was so in touch with his own feelings, aware of the dangers and knew what he needed to do to help himself. And then there was that everlasting smile that graced his face, the upbeat, positive attitude, the goofy side of him that we all loved. It all made you feel like he had things under control and it made you almost forget the seriousness of his issues.
It has made me realize that we need to pay more attention to each other. To not just assume that someone is okay because they've got a smile on their face.
I'm so, so sorry we couldn't help you Chester. I'm so sorry people couldn't see through the happy exterior to see how much you were hurting inside. I wish I could give you a hug and make you see how much you were loved. Make you realize what a truly beautiful person you were.
We miss you, Chaz. We will never ever forget you. And hopefully your death will not have been in vain. Hopefully others will see how much suicide hurts the ones left behind and will get the help they need. And hopefully this will make people pay more attention to one another. Care for one another.
I couldn't have said it any better than you did right here honestly. Chester's death proved that no matter how happy, or resilient someone may appear on the outside that even they can still have moments of depression or feelings of helplessness. Chester certainly didn't have this 'all planned out', and he definitely tried to fight his depression for a long time. He spoke often to his fans about things getting better, but all it took was one severe moment of pain and he was gone. I feel we need to use this shocking passing as a reminder to always check on our loved ones, even if we think they're fine.
Hey LP family. 6 weeks today and I seem to have slipped back to how I was back then. I'm really struggling to stay sane today and don't really want to be around anybody as no one seems to understand.
We understand and you can be around us <3 Please don't stay alone when you're miserable. 6 weeks. This marks are always bad and it makes me think a lot too. We've come so far and we fought very hard the past weeks. For him and for ourselves. I'm sure as hell he's goddamn proud of us when he's looking down on us today. He's always there and I still feel his present here on earth. It's us and it's everything he left to remember.
Thanks @Lynn. Just feel so shitty, lost and incredibly tearful today and can't understand why.
I still have this days too. I sometimes force myself to go outside for a walk or I get my favorite coffee. What helps me is to listen to my other favorite band I love for 11 years. It helps me get distracted and to not feel so empty for some time. I know we can't run from our feelings but sometimes it helps me getting distracted by not allowing these thoughts to take over. I get my mind off as long as I feel this heavy feeling.
I was just asking myself if I am the only one feeling still so heavy and heartbroken...
Thanks to everyone for writing in this open chat. I mean it. It really helps me personally to not feel alone in this situation.
I am trying to follow what @Lotus said to check a bit more on the people around me ... and I guess it's just typically me trying to extract sth. positive even out of this situation.
Chester is more than ever a role model to me in terms of developing the best version of yourself, beeing kind but/and living after your values ...
I found the kerrang article inspiring even though it kind of stops in 2014...
Hug to everyone that needs it right now... <3
I actually tweeted about Chester being a role model to me a few days ago. Seeing all of the wonderful things that people have said about him this past month has made me want to be a better person. A more kind, caring and compassionate person like he was.
I'm still thinking about getting the words "One More Light" tattooed in honor of him. I like the idea of Chester representing the "one more light" that went out and the words being a reminder to take more notice of others and their well being.
I'm not feeling great either... But reading you all helps a lot. I'm here for you guys, please don't give up. I love you.
After taking a nap....i had a weird dream that after some time, LP came back but with a female singer because we can't replace Chester. Hmmmmmmm. Weird.
Beautiful words Lynn I can not add anything.
Thank you so much. It's what I truly believe.
I was thinking about you Lynn and it's so nice to hear you're doing better!
I was pretty fine one week ago but this one was a total mess and i don't know why. I can't help myself feeling fine again. It comes back in waves hitting me hard when i'm almost about to feel relief. And then it starts all over again.
I'm trying to focus on good things around me but it doesn't get any better. Yesterday i yelled at my colleague at my work and it was just horrible. I couldn't even reply to my other colleague's question "Nadja! Are you feeling offended?" I hate being angry because this is not my nature.
And the worst thing is there is a man working at the same building as me who is so similar to Chester. Every time i meet him on the way to my work i can't take my eyes off of him. This is my problem and i'm so into it.
Thank you very much for thinking of me. I'm sorry I didn't write for such a long time.
I think you're doing great. It's totally normal what you're feeling. It's been 6 week yesterday and tho it sounds like a long time it isn't. We can't force ourselves to heal and we can't put this pressure on us that we need to feel better because it's more than a month ago now. Healing comes in waves ... You feel better, worse, better, worse until you finally feel well again. You'll realize that you're still sad but it won't hit you as hard as it once did. You're doing so great for writing down your feelings and talking to us/someone. This is so important and I'm proud of every single one of us here.
I have Chesters memorial tomorrow...wish me luck getting through it.
I wish you strength to get through it. It will help you tho it maybe won't feel like it firstly. You'll feel better after the chance of saying goodbye in that way. Let us know how it felt if you want to but don't feel like you have to.
Thank you! Once I recoup from the day, I will definitely inform you on how it went.
Take your time We're always here.
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