Feeling pretty rough too. When busy it's not too bad but I have found that I can't be busy 24 hours a day.
Sorrry about my late response, life is getting in a way of spending too much time here. It's good tthat you moved out of the hosue because it just reminded you of what happened and you wouldn't be able to heal at all if you've stayed. I understand why you didn't want to go downstairs, images are haunting and everything reminds you of him, The only thing we can do is give ourselves time, it won't heal the wounds completely, just numb the pain but one day we'll be able to laugh sincerely and think how good life is without feeling guilty. It may take a couple of months or years but it will happen.
Exactly, if I'm out with my family or friends everything seems fine but the moment I go online my mood changes swiftly. This morning was great, the thought of how wonderful life was popped into my mind at one moment but when I came home and started opening different pages I felt so sad that had to go out to be among people. I try not to visit triggering pages but can't stay away from social networks and this message board so I will have to find another way of dealing with this. Maybe I'm pushing too much, expecting too much of myself to heal as soon as possible but don't know what else to do. Like I said before, LP music was here whenever I felt bad but now it's too hard to listen to them.
Indeed. But eventually we'll feel better. And it's comforting to know this family stays united through it all. *hug*
It's beautiful to know that we always can come back here to write what's going on in our minds. I never fully feel alone. Thank you to everyone. I guess someday we'll make it through. It's still very early.
I like to think that we will always be here for each other, no matter how far on we are. It is still early days, not even a month has passed but we are in good hands with each other and the rest of the lp family. Together we will regain our strength
I love night's because I am the most creative then but when I am laying in bed trying to sleep...my mind races and races on stuff.
I know what you mean...i went down the YouTube rabbit hole of linkin park videos last night from old to new and I enjoyed watching them then my brain went to...wtf he's gone I am gonna miss the videos. I love editing and always enjoyed their artist creative videos.
I totally relate. I realized it will never get better. I was starting to enjoy watching lptv videos again and I was smiling while rewatching the ones with the balloons and then I had the great idea to scroll down Ches' Twitter and back to feeling like shit, (what I would give for another sassy tweet). Moral of the story is to delete Twitter .
I like nights, too. But then outside of work, when I'm not busy, there's no one to talk to. And that is depressing.
I often go on his instagram. Man, he feels so there ... Can't log out or delete cause I don't even want to change. I want to hold onto that feeling that somehow he's still there. In a way...
As someone who has had enough deaths in his family within the last 1 and a half years to practically write a book on it, I must respond to the idea that it 'will never get better': As much as it may seem like this darkness you're going through right now is permanent, it is not. Even the grief you experience right now, will one day become tolerable. In time you will find ways to live with the pain of the loss, and while you will never forget Chester or stop missing him, in time you will find yourself celebrating his life more than hurting over his passing. It will come. Just give it time, and do not be afraid to reach out for help. It DOES get better.