I like this The most important thing is to keep going, keep trying and it will get better one day. Even if you relapse, get up and keep trying again, never give up. I know ir's hard, we all have trouble believing this, accepting it or just dealing with it but it will get better.
What's amazing is that are so many more than this. I could be watching videos for hours of tributes to Chester, whether they were covers or dedications, and ranging from rock to hip hop to pop to even EDM. It's amazing how many people he influenced and touched.
I am just glad this gives a much better and clear answer than simply connecting it to the death of Chris Cornell (which may have been a factor but probably not the main one). Chester's addiction was very public and he talked about it in interviews often. I just had no idea he was still dealing with it. I don't know any alcoholics but I've had friends who did and it's messed their lives up. It's really unfortunate and sad that these things began taking control of Chester again
I hope this is the right thread to write this in but months ago I found my grandpa dead in his room and it was the most traumatic thing to experience.....i so feel for the maid that found Chester and I understand what she went and is going through first hand and that is another thing that has been racing through my mind with a lot of other things non stop. Life is truly a battle and I am surviving the best I can.
As the days pass I am feeling better. The first few days were terrible for me, as it kept hitting me that he was no longer here, I just couldn't believe it, I couldn't accept it. Slowly but surely I am coming to terms with it, but I still get hit with the occassional wave, "why aren't you here?" "why are you gone?", I miss him so much. Many of the lyrics sound so different now, I've listened to some LP music but I've only played the instrumentals, as I always liked to sing the songs. 'Shadow of the Day' still crushes me, and I don't know if I can listen to or sing 'Iridescent' in this moment. A friend of mine in the office started playing 'Heavy' this week, but I had to tell him kindly to stop. I'm not ready. I had to work with a lump in my throat for a few minutes, the song was already stopped and vocals had barely started. I walked past a dragonfly yesterday down the aisle on my way out of the office and I thought of him immediately, I started to get the wildest thoughts "Is he trying to tell me to be okay? Could that be him looking after me? Is this God trying to tell me he's always with me?". I know he's not longer with us on this earth, my mind knows that, but I don't know if I've let him go, or when will it happen. Though I can carry on during the day normally, I can't help feeling so sad when I think of him, because I never saw LP live and I was really hoping to finally be able to sometime in the future. I had plans to meet him and the guys someday, now the dream is gone forever, it's fucking selfish, but the sadness I feel after realizing that a dream I've had for 16 years will never come true really tears me apart. I had wanted to see you for so long, now I wonder if it's even possible to visit his grave, is it even legal I don't fucking know. I'm so heartbroken.
Been revisiting Fort Minor and every time I hear "Right Now" it makes me think of Chester. Literally the second it starts with that opening tremolo chord, it makes me think of him sitting alone in a room. I become sad right away. I wish I could talk to him
I can't listen to it either. I'm scared I'll never feel happy again while listening to it... I know it's early to feel that again, but sometimes I can't even feel sad, if I listen to something momently. It's like I just feel this void that those songs used to fill once, those songs were the only ones who could fill it... And you're not selfish, dear, that's a legitimate feeling. It means you care about them and love them, or you wouldn't have that dream. But there will be a time that it won't hurt like this... It's a sad memory, yes, but it won't be unbearable forever :') <3
Currently I also can't listen to their music. I am learning for an exam and normally I would listen to LP in between for some motivation. Now I am afraid to get too sad to be able to learn. But I will again listen to them in the future... Last year I went to a concert of Ludovico Einaudi, telling myself "I have to go there, who knows how long he will still be living and performing" (he is 61)... If only I had know...
Today I watched the performance of Hallelujah and broke down in tears, I think Chester's death was the last straw of deaths I could emotionally take. After reading that article I feel even more sorry for him because it must have been a pretty shitty year for him but he disguised it so well. Otherwise, I thought I was over with crying, just sadness took over and whenever I think of him, just like you guys said, I feel awful and sometimes still can't believe he's gone although it's more rare than it used to be. Still not sure about LP music, I still haven't listened to anything except OML.
I'm sorry for you, Tony. It is the same with me. I would like to listen to their music. Not ready yet for it..
I'm able to listen to them but not everyday and not more than 2-3 songs... Hearing his voice is beautiful cause I miss him SO MUCH but it also hurts too much and I have to turn it off sometimes. My biggest wish was meeting him/them too and seeing my favorite band live and the thought it's never gonna happen kills me inside. Yesterday I lit a candle for him, I was alone at home, I thought of him and I felt so alone. I wonder how this can be... I never met him. I guess the fact that I know he's no longer walking the same earth is just too much for me. I had better days but the last two days it's hard again. Doesn't matter if I can laugh or joke around I'm sad tho and when I watch funny videos of him and Linkin Park my mind is like "no, it just can't be true that he's not here anymore, the funny person, always joking. no." You guys this hurts so much... Tho I haven't meet him I new he was there somewhere, alive. Now I don't know where he is and I can't handle the fact.
I'm sorry you have those thoughts but I know how you feel because I've been struggling myself not to imagine him alone in that room thinking dark thoughts. It's very unhealthy because none of us or them could have done anything and those thoughts just make you go into circles and won't get you anywhere. I managed to distract myself, say to my brain stop and make it think of sth else but it's been hard couple of days and they appeared again.