@Carla @BreakingTheHeartbeat @Tony V Thank you for your wishes, I appreciate them a lot. I felt guilty because I cried more because of what happened to Chester, my mum's feelings than over my uncle's death. I believe it's because two deaths (last year's also) are related and I still haven't got over the first one at least not entirely then bam Chester dies. While driving to my hometown I had time to think and the hardest thing for me is that there are no more live concerts and interviews, his jokes (good and bad ones), his energy, bouncing up and down the backstage because getting a rest was never an option, M&G
Yes that is what I'm thinking to when I watch videos of him. Everytime he is being a dork, fooling around I remember that he won't do that again. There won't be any new videos of him or interviews where you get some insight on what he thinks about stuff. And all in all the calming effect it had knowing he is living and going about his day to day life. Now it feels like someone has pulled the rug from under my feet. I did listen to Linkin Park without crying. In fact I haven't cried since Tuesday. No more tears left in me. A couple of hours ago I got when I found out who the scumbag is that was trying to sell the funeral package on eBay. FYI the guy produced some live DVD's of LP and he is known to sell rare LP memorabilia on eBay. When someone contacted him on eBay he had vile things to say about Chester. Made me so mad that he was allowed to be at the funeral. And just now I saw a picture of Mike being out with his wife and I think how the hell does he do that? How does he deal with the fact that such an important person to him hanged himself? How do you deal with the fact that you won't ever see him agai? Question I always ask myself whenever I think about Chester. I managed quite well today while listening to LP and escaping into my own world- fantasizing. Only when reality hit again I asked Why? Why? Why?
No problem my friend. I understand where you're coming from but believe me, it'll only make you stronger as time passes. And about the sensitive people that are struggling more... we'll it's our blessing and our curse. We just need to use it to our advantage - pay attention to the positive in this. And that's what are forums like this are for I guess. To share and to open yourself to people around the world. People you most probably won't ever meet. That's a crazy world we're living in If you have friends who are listening to LP or you know what? even friends that aren't paying any attention to that - you should open up to the ones you're feeling comfortable with. It'll help. I even talked about it with my mother the day after it happened and she doesn't even know who he was. What I'm trying to say is that you're never alone. But you can choose to feel so and isolate yourself... I hope you're well, and if you need to talk I'm here, and wer'e all here for eachother.
Just because Mike is outside doesn't mean he isn't sad and he's dealing well... Just because you have to follow your daily life doesn't mean your over it.
I think that's one of the hardest parts of that day. That TTM video release was in the works for weeks. It was supposed to be released that day regardless, and the plan was to premiere the new video and then the band went touring right afterwards. Instead, Chester was reported dead hours later and all of our lives changed forever. So heartbreaking.
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/n...-singer-chester-benningtons-last-days-w495942 I can only advice anyone who is plaqued with questions to read this. I think this is as close as we can get to know what was going on. But definitely still sucks that he couldn't fight against his alcohol addiction. I don't know a thing about alcoholism but why was it so hard for him to fight it and be sober? He has been from 2011 to last year when he had a relapse. Why was it a hour by hour battle for him? Someone on this thread said in one posts why didn't he just pass out from drinking? That is what I thought too while reading the article. Hard to imagine him passing out from drinking last year but at least he wouldn't be dead. If he drank the whole bottle then passed out until his housekeeper would find him. The whole time I have been saying to me "he didn't plan, he didn't want to die, he has been happy, he wasn't depressed this year and so on". And now there it is. Doesn't make me feel that better but I have some answers and clarity. At the same point I'm mad that it was his damn alcohol addiction that led to this. A couple of drinks and he looses his mind and does this.
I read this earlier today... I obsessively check for new news stories. I don't know what I expect to find. I didn't know him in any shape or form but he wouldn't have wanted this in his clear mind. It is so scary how these impulses take the lives of so many incredible people.
@Lynn Yes me too. He obviously didn't wanted to do it. No idea how those couple of drinks could mess with him like that. But it is a fact that he relapsed. He had been sober for seven months at that point but still got a bottle and drank some. When that 911 call had been released I did wonder who that driver was and why he was there for a pickup. Maybe Chester called him himself. Maybe he wants to go to a meeting. We will probably never know. It is incredible hard to get over this. Knowing how many other, better possible outcomes there could've been. A few drinks, a couple of minutes where he looses his mind and it ends in such a tragedy.
I feel so sorry for Mike & Anna at this picture. Thank God the Band and Talinda have fans who help them.
@madridista89 You don't deal with the fact someone close to you died, you talk to someone, get into therapy and live day by day. You don't make any plans about the future and break into tears constantly, you get onto pills if necessary but, unfortunately life doesn't stop if you're hurting. You get nigthmares and constantly see that person like he's in front of you, you wake up and fall to sleep in tears. The most important thing is to do everyday activities, small things, things you did before, surround yourself by friends and try to get back to reality and that's why Mike went out. You have to go back to normal even though it's breaking your heart.
@Doridorica You sound like you speak from experience. That made me sad instantly. For the record I didn't attack Mike in anyway about going out. I mean he has a wife and kids and needs to take care of them. I was merely wondering how it is for him, how it looks inside of him or Talinda.
Chester rewrote their futures - everything they had planned for the future is changed. It was good to see Mike out hand-in-hand with his wife. It is good to know he has support.
We know you didn't attack anyone - you were just wondering and it's ok. We're here to understand... Maybe the past haunted Chester too much and the alcohol did the rest. We don't know.
@madridista89 I know you didn't attack him and I'm sorry if I sounded too hard, it really wasn't my intention. I'm speaking half from experience and half from my best friend's experience, unfortunately we both experienced the loss of a loved one. Stages of grief are common to all people as well as fellings of deep despair you experience when sth like this happens. I just hope the band and the family are surrounded by friends and are going to therapy.
Hey, lovely family. Dropping by to see how you all are. Never forget that dealing with loss isn't something linear. You'll feel good and then you'll feel bad again, and so on. Just don't lose hope if you were okay yesterday and feel awful again today. It's tough, but that's the normal process of it. Been dealing with it as well. :') I love you all. <3