Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    I've learnt something about myself since last night when my parents came for after not seeing each other for 10 days. I've become such bitter and impatient person who wants to pick fights over the smallest, insignificant things. Everything bothers me, if they look at me the wrong way. Then I feel guilty because it's really not their fault, it's my issue and I don't know how long they'll be here on Earth. My mum might even suspect something because she came to me twice last night to ask what's going on (she asked how I'd spent these 10 days even though we talked on the phone every day. That's her way of asking me to share my feelings) and I just stood up and walked away saying everything's fine. I told her about Chester when he passed away and maybe she remembered but I can't just tell her "oh, you know I'm still thinking about my favourite singer passing away." I pitty my parents for having to live with me theye days.
     
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  2. Lirial72

    Lirial72 Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do

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    Since the news I am confused. And fucking sad/
    I really got the impression Chester knew a way to handle the feelings, it gave me strenght, fighting off my own depression, that there is a way to feel better. Now I wonder...

    Can't stop crying btw and listening to the songs is hard now.
     
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  3. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    I'm thinking of attending a memorial tomorrow. Gotta drive one or one and a half hour to go there. On the one hand I think I need this to let go a little but on the other hand I don't know if I got the strength to go there tomorrow for I don't have anyone to go with me; except my boyfriend but he's not really a fan and never wasn't.
     
  4. Lirial72

    Lirial72 Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do

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    Same here, there is a Dutch memorial on sunday, it is a 2 hour trip and it does not feel ok to go by myself. I think the people there will give you a lot of strenght though.
    Is your boyfriend supportive if you want to go? Here people think I am weird grieving for someone I do not know.....
     
  5. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    He calls me weird too so I don't really feel understood tho he must understand me cause otherwise he wouldn't go there with me I think ... I guess I decide tomorrow whether to go or not. I really want to be there but I got this anxiety at places I don't know anybody you know? Those social events, except concerts, are freaking me out a little.
     
  6. Lirial72

    Lirial72 Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do

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    I know how that feels like... I really wanted to go to the last LP concert in Amsterdam, but no one would go with me, so my anxiety took over and I did not go :-( And now I am fcking mad at myself for not going...
    What I am trying to say, if you really want to be there and need it, try not let the anxiety stop you. That said I know how hard it is. Hug.
     
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  7. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    Same with me... Didn't go to the last festival because alone I couldn't and nobody wanted or had the time ..
    You're right, I'll decide tomorrow. I know I can say goodbye in million ways alone too but somehow I thought of a place where more people are at to bring something, maybe candles or whatever.
    Will you go on Sunday?
     
  8. Joh

    Joh Active Member

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    Same here. There is an event in 3 weeks but it is my brain that is discussing:
    "I want to go there. But it's so wired. But I don't want to miss it. But it's wired isn't it".

    But from my experience these events where you were struggeling to go to before most of time turn out to be the best ones. Even if you go there on your own people will be very supportive and you will be okay.

    If you are still struggeling think of a date in the futere and ask yourself if you would regret it not going there. That normally helps you with decisions :)
     
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  9. Lirial72

    Lirial72 Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do

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    I decide on sunday.
     
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  10. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. Let's see how I feel tomorrow... I might regret it if I don't go but that social anxiety thing is just so weird and I hate that. However taking bout stuff like this really helps a lot.
     
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  11. darkviruz

    darkviruz Well-Known Member

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    I feel a little bit better today. It helps me very much that I know that you help.
    There are always hours where I am very sad and thoughtful, but I would like to stay strong and hope the better times come.
    Thank you all, thank you
     
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  12. darkviruz

    darkviruz Well-Known Member

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    We are here for each other. Try to think of the beautiful things in life & of LP..
     
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  13. Blake

    Blake Leave a Trace LPA Super Member

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    This is a great post!

    If you would regret not going in the future, make sure to go!
     
  14. Modern Guitar God

    Modern Guitar God Nets 2021 LPA Super VIP

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    Social anxiety will get the best of you sometimes and it's hard for others to understand that. I think the gesture of going to Chester's memorial is more than worth it and you'll feel better about paying your respects - plus you'll feel better about getting out of your comfort zone in general. Don't let the thoughts get to your head, that's the battle of social anxiety
     
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  15. Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    Hey all - I apologize for not having been here the past couple of days. I needed to take a bit of a break. Back, and trying to catch up a bit. I may have to break the double-post rule here a bit to adequately cover everyone (these posts do have character limits)... sorry, @Hybrid :p

    I appreciate that, @Doridorica. It has been a little heavy - but I have felt some comfort in helping others. I think others are struggling with this in far deeper ways, and so I've really felt like my place is here - helping you all.

    Grief can certainly differ depending on what happened. When someone is dying of illness, it feels unfair but perhaps is easier to digest in the long-term. You can come to terms with the loss while the person is still there, and you go through the process of really appreciating them in that last bit of time. It doesn't make it any less painful, but perhaps we don't grieve for so long after they are gone - and we're not wondering why we lost them. Suicide is a tough one. It's sudden, it destroys us from an empathy perspective, and it leaves us with a lot of questions. We can still overcome though - and from someone who has been through it, it is possible.

    It's okay to want to go back to the time before, @Caique Soares. This is common when we grieve - wondering if there was something we could do to prevent what happened, or at least to go back and remember what it was like before we lost that person. It's tough, I know - but just know that you are not alone in feeling this way, and that we will all get through this.

    Thank you for joining us and sharing this with us, @maria. I think we can all agree with your sentiments about the kind of person Chester was, and all of the reasons we have to admire him, even if he is gone. I'm glad that you are working on ways of expressing yourself - there are many productive ways to process emotional stress and grief. Please stick around and talk with us as you grieve - we are here for you!

    I know what you mean, @Stacy. I just completed the discography yesterday, and there were tracks that were hitting me particularly hard. "Heavy" was one of them. I know many of us are wondering what the future holds for Linkin Park. We all know that Chester is irreplaceable. It's a question that the band will have to sort out in time - but we will always have the music and the lyrics that Chester wrote and sang to us. That won't go away.

    Thank you for bringing that up, @Derek. You're absolutely right. Survivor's guilty is really common in many cases of loss, especially suicide. It's a natural response, so don't beat yourself up for feeling that way - but also acknowledge, like Derek said, that there was likely nothing you could do. I felt that way when my friend Trevor took his own life, wishing that I had been there and thinking that if I could have responded to his messages, I could have stopped him. But, from a physical and just downright truthful perspective, there was likely nothing I could have done. I was on a flight to London, and got his goodbye messages after he had landed. Another friend of mine was on his way to try and help him, but it didn't matter. Trevor, at that moment, did not want to be saved. What else could we have done?

    So, you have to come to grips with things like that, and just appreciate what you had and what memories you'll always have from when that person was around. It will always hurt a little - pain like that doesn't go away, and it sticks to memories - but you can remember happier moments. Like Derek said, share with us how you're feeling - especially if you're feeling survivor's guilt.

    There's nothing to beat yourself up for, @SashaSkyward. I'm seeing a lot of people feel shame, or feeling silly/stupid for feeling certain ways, but there is nothing about the grief or pain you're feeling that merits that. This is tough on all of us, and you're all hurting for very understandable reasons. That is okay, and that is human. I know what you mean with listening to music and getting emotional - but sometimes, that is a helpful part of the grieving process. If you can listen to the song and really feel what it is saying, then it is okay to cry. And maybe, you'll never not cry with certain songs, but that just means they're great songs that for different reasons resonate with you in that way. That is perfectly okay. And you're right - one day at a time! Stick it out with us, and everything will be alright.

    @barush @darkviruz - And we are grateful to you both for sharing your thoughts with us and for being here. We appreciate you!

    Hang in there, @dreamerpoet. Some days are going to be harder than others - as it goes with any type of loss. Sometimes, we feel great, and on other days we feel completely hopeless. This is how it goes for some time. I'm glad you've been able to find some light through what people are sharing about Chester - I think we are all seeing some light even in this thread, no matter how dark it feels right now. This grief is really just love, if you think about it - just has a different shade right now.

    I've been listening to the music as well. I think it helps, even if it's a little hard.

    I'm glad you're feeling better, @YoMarques. "One More Light" is going to be a difficult song and difficult album for people, I think, for quite some time. Watching interviews and performances of him will also be difficult. It's hard, knowing that someone was suffering so much - regardless of how vocal he was about it. I have a hard time looking at photos of my friend "Trevor," largely because I know how hard he had it. This is how it goes, sadly, in these situations. The mind is complicated, and mental illness in any shape or form is tough to comprehend from any standpoint. This will be hard for a while, but it will come to pass eventually.

    I'm glad you can see light in the darkness. There is strength that we can take from this, and a lot of that will come from first expressing our grief and feeling comfortable with sharing how it's going for us. There is courage in sharing your troubles, so I'm glad you shared that. Thank you.
     
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  16. Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    @Lynn - What I will say is that these events often provide closure for people. Memorial events, funerals - they are all forms of closure. They're a way for us to acknowledge that we've lost someone, that they are gone, but that we won't forget them. It's better to go than to not go, if you can. Better to go and to feel sad than not to go and regret that you didn't, if you ask me. You'll be around people who are going through the exact same thing, and I think you'll find comfort in that. And you're not a freak - people send messages to people after they're gone all the time. I write to my friend Trevor on his Facebook every time his birthday rolls around. It helps me and I always hope he sees it and remembers how much I loved him.

    It's okay - the moment we come to consolidating our feelings into some form of expression, writing or otherwise - can be the moment where it hits us hardest. Our thoughts and feelings in some sense lay scattered until we sit down and really come to terms with it.

    I've been grieving about a break-up I had two years ago, and only two weeks ago on a plane did I write a letter on my iPad, in hopes that it might bring me some sort of closure. I couldn't stop myself from crying, even though it had been two years. Think of it like picking up the mess of a dirty room, and suddenly the weight of that mess is all in your hands, and it is heavy. That's what happens.

    It doesn't sound like anything (and there's nothing wrong with being a little fan girl, boy, or any type of fan at all - no need to stigmatize there). And there's nothing stupid about seeing something on TV or elsewhere and it reminding you of loss. That is natural, and that is normal. Don't shame yourself for feeling this way - that only adds to your pain. Again, this is what being human is.

    Thank you for sharing this with us, @Joh. This was a really great way to express how you were feeling, and how I think so many of us feel. Chester and the band taught us and left us with so many lessons, especially about how to express and process our grief and anguish. That is something we'll always have, even if Chester is gone.

    I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and I think you are asking questions that so many of us are asking in our minds as well. The reality is that we can never really know what was going on in Chester's mind, and there will never be an answer to if this could have been avoided. Those questions are often the hardest to cope with, and are the ones we can't spend forever trying to answer. All we know is that at some point, Chester couldn't bear it any longer, and made this decision. It's not something any of us wanted, but we will have to live with it, and do our best to help others if they're struggling and/or thinking about making the same choice.

    Meeting the band, and meeting Chester is an incredible experience for any Linkin Park fan - so I'm glad you had that opportunity. But, you didn't feel like a teenage girl (not sure what that is supposed to mean anyway) - you were meeting an idol and were understandably excited.

    And if you're asking the band not to feel guilty, then you shouldn't feel guilty either. It doesn't matter when you started listening or how closely you followed or whatever - loss is loss, and it can hit us hard at any time. That is okay.

    I got emotional reading this. Thank you so much for sharing, @Masquerade21. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this pain, but I am also so overjoyed that you had that moment with Chester. This is so beautiful and so touching, and shows us how Chester meant so much to all of us and how kind he was. I actually have to thank you for bringing the tears back to my eyes. Thank you.

    It's not a matter of "don't think that," because if you tell yourself not to think something, you will. There's a very useful app for smartphones called "Headspace," which is all about mindfulness. Basically, the lesson is that you just need to accept your thoughts and feelings as they come and go. It's not about fully embracing them or pushing them away - just knowing they are there, that you are feeling them, and that it is okay.

    Let yourself grieve, @Lynn, but if you are struggling with lots of thoughts, we just suggest distracting yourself with something else so that you're not focusing so much on the pain of this. There are different ways to process - you just have to find what works for you! Remember we are here for you - always.
     
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  17. Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    Agreed! There is no such thing as selfishness in this situation, everyone. Selfish is not something anyone should be feeling - there is really no reason why! :)

    Thank you for joining us and for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, @ZEC. Obviously, this is tough for everybody - and I'm glad you found this space, a safe and non-judgmental space - where you can share how you are feeling and what you're going through. I promise you that you are not alone.

    Many of us are feeling helpless in the aftermath, so you're not alone there either. This is tough, and it's okay to feel as sad as you are. Just know that this is a part of the grief that comes with loss, and that it will be okay. It's understandable why it feels like personal loss - he meant so much to all of us, and the band's music is why we're all here in the first place.

    We promise it gets better. Stick around and keep us posted with how you're feeling. We really care!

    Agreed! It's understandable why we sometimes focus our thoughts on the particulars, but try to remember the positives.

    I understand. Dates, times, and places become really vivid and memorable in situations of loss - so I understand why this is hitting you so hard. See if you can direct your focus onto the positives - remembering what you loved about Chester, your favorite songs, favorite performances, etc. These too will be hard to process, but I think these can be really therapeutic as part of the healing process.

    Know that we are here for you, Carla. Please carry on. We are at your side every step of the way. Please feel free to reach out to me personally if you need it.

    I want you to know, first, that I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. It isn't uncommon to get sick - we do become a little vulnerable during times of serious grief and stress. I hope you feel better soon.

    Second, I really want you to know how much I relate to what you've said - everything I do in this thread and in my daily life is about trying to be positive for people, even during my darkest moments. It's all I can do, really. I want to be a beacon for people, which can be really trying. But I'm glad that I'm not alone in this endeavor, and that you are trying too. I'm glad you've decided to put those smiley faces back on. Try smiling yourself, even on your own - it can help you feel better.

    Thanks for hanging in there and trying and being there for others. Know that we love you and appreciate you.

    @Forfeit to Break - thank you for sharing this about yourself. So many people struggle with different forms of mental illness, and loss and grief can be such a hard test for those folks too (as it is for all of us). But I think you're absolutely right - turning our focus onto the things we love, and about helping ourselves and trying to bring structure into our lives, can be really helpful. Everything you've said here is really important, so I'm grateful you said it. Hang in there, and know that we are there for you as well.

    I'll tell you something. You're not bitter and you're not impatient. Bitterness and impatience are symptoms of other things we are feeling - typically fear, grief, anger, and frustration with other things in our life. As you've mentioned before, you've dealt with loss, and you are afraid to lose more. And those are fears that can play out in our interactions. Sometimes we hurt those we love the most because we care about them so much and don't know how to express such dark fears without becoming emotionally hijacked.

    When your mom asks you how you're feeling, don't turn away from her. You need to be honest with her because that is going to really help you. If your parents understand what you're feeling, it's probably going to ease your interactions. Parents can be a source of love and comfort that we especially need during times of loss, so why turn them away? Just open up. Tell them that this is really hitting you hard, that it makes you afraid of losing them, etc. I know how you feel, man. I think about mortality and about losing people I love all the time, and it comes up more when we are really dealing with loss. But don't turn her away. Tell her (both your parents, really), and things will become easier. I promise.

    Chester had a way to handle how he felt for a long time, and it will be impossible to know what he was thinking or feeling before he passed. But please, the last thing he or any of us would want is for you or anyone else to think that taking your own life is the way out. Like I've said so many times before, the world is better with you in it than without you. And as I've also said, there's too much love, happiness, and so much more that this world has to offer that you shouldn't give up on. I promise you that this gets better, that you can overcome. However, if you are feeling depressed or are thinking about suicide, I implore you to seek professional help. Talk to someone you love about it, and get the help you need. I promise it makes a difference.

    Please know that we love you and care about you, and only want what's best for you.

    Absolutely right! Definitely worth going - better to go and to cry than to regret.
     
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  18. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    @Louis No need to apologize... You need time for yourself too and that's totally ok
     
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  19. dreamerpoet

    dreamerpoet Well-Known Member

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    Sorry guys, I know I haven't posted much the last day or so, I needed to step back for a bit, things went a little sideways on me. Thinking of everyone today. Know that I'm here if anyone needs to talk .
     
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  20. Modern Guitar God

    Modern Guitar God Nets 2021 LPA Super VIP

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    Yes he does
     
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