It is almost 1 am where I live Lynn. So yeah, super late. This is when it gets the toughest for me. And I lead myself into this forum to find some solace.
It's afternoon on my side of the world... I hope you're able to win the battle with the night, that seems to be when it's worse for me too, left with my own thoughts
Hi, my beautiful people <3 I feel a bit better today, compared to yesterday, but each day there's one particular issue that stands out. Like I said yesterday, any type of funny interviews between Mike and Chester were making me feel worse, but today I managed to watch a couple moments and actually smile through the tears. Today though, I'm finding it particular hard to see any performance of One More Light... I just keep looking at Chester and wonder how much pain was he hiding inside... Even though it ended how it did, I hope he still managed to talk to the band and his family about everything...
Thank you. Yes, the nights are the worst. Sometimes the mornings as well because my heart takes longer to keep going after I slept.
That's what I experience too. it's hard always but I somehow smile because I feel so much love when I'm watching interviews or concerts. I just wish, deeply wish he's happy now... wherever he is I just want him to be free from all the pain he carried with him here.
I totally understand, and I hope the same for him too. I'm sure he will be super proud looking at us and seeing all the love though. This community has been amazing :') I'm going out after dinner with my best friend to do our A Million Stars Tribute. I hope it will help us find a little bit of peace.
The cry for help interview, wow tearjerker. I have paraphrased some of it with my clients today about bad neighbourhoods in our heads and people that had no idea about linkin park were like e yeah, that's ut, the best description of how it is for me. Amazing how eloquent chester could put it when he was so clearly struggling
My day started out really, really rough.....I was in the fetal position most of the morning til my boys woke up, but I started reading some of the posts in the forum and on different blogs on how Chester helped people, and I'm actually finding myself smiling a bit. It's going to be a rough day, hell it IS a rough day but I'm here, I'm breathing and I'm just......going to remember how much that Chester meant to me and how much he helped me and I'm going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
The morning was really hard again and I hardly managed not to cry. It got a little better in the afternoon and I watched a few short video and I even smiled. However the pain is still as big as on the first day but I'm grateful for a few positive moments. I fear the night to be honest. I don't really know how I will cope with laying in bed alone with my thoughts. How r u feeling today?
O Oh lynn. Hun i feel for you. Nights are hard, its quiet and our thoughts get loud. Waking up has a brief second of being its all right then bam the freight train of truth hits and we relive it all. Glad you had some good times though. I'm coping, how i don't know but this place gives me company when I'm in my own bad neighbourhood thanks guys
Almost 2:00 in the afternoon.....I'm proud of myself, my boys wanted to hear his voice...they've grown up with their music and I managed to not lose it....baby step but an important one!!
I'm finding strength in my kids right now.....they need mama to help them through this, and little do they know they're helping me. But thank you!!