You're so right although I catch myself thinking these thought too. They don't bring me anywhere, it can't help thinking like this. Nobody can turn back time. What's done is done and we just need to move on from where we stand. It's so damn hard and I don't know when I was this desperate the last time but what else should we do than carry on...
As someone who has gone through a lot of loss, I can tell you that I agree with Doridorica in response to @Forfeit to Break . Unfortunately as much as we wish we could say a magic word and travel back to the time our loved ones passed so we could save them, no such option exists and those thoughts as well-intentioned as they may be, will not bring the ones we love back to us. It's important to not get trapped in those thoughts and allow yourself to be pushed into a perpetual cycle of "survivor's guilt", where we wish we had done something or had the ability to change a tragic outcome, that in reality we have no control over. The best thing to do is to allow yourself to talk to others about how you are feeling, and help others if you think they're falling down. Doing so will honor Chester's memory as he committed his entire musical life to letting people know they're not alone. The best we can do in these times is help others to remember that message.
This is how I've been feeling ever since Thursday. I'm not putting blame on anybody because I know that's wrong but I just want to go back in time to make sure he is not left alone on Chris' birthday. Hell, if I knew it was going to be Chris' birthday on Thursday I would have done the same to begin with. But I was unaware of the fact that it was his birthday as I don't know many birthdays.
I just signed up for this board today -- been a rough few days, obviously. As all the memories and nostalgia associated with LP came flooding back to me since Thursday, I started writing some thoughts down and it ended up as this piece about Chester and what LP meant to me back in high school. Felt good to get some of this out there. Feel free to read if you wish: http://www.rockcellarmagazine.com/2...emembered-linkin-park-rip-suicide-prevention/
It's nice to meet you as well, thank you for your kind words. I try not to beat myself up over it. But sometimes it's rough. I can't predict which songs will make me cry. It's all a toss-up. A song that made me cry a few days ago I can be fine during today and vice versa. Last night I was at work, listening to all their songs on shuffle (as usual), and I don't even remember what song it was but I just had to stop. I had to stop in the middle of counting, put everything down, and take a step back. Take a few breaths. I didn't cry though. Which is great. I got misty eyed but I managed to keep myself together. I keep telling myself: Just gotta take things one day at a time. Take a deep breath. Keep moving forward.
We're all strong here and together we will go through it ❤️ It's going to be hard but we'll make it together. I'm snot thankful for every single one of you
I'm so grateful for this forum and everyone here <3 The few people who were willing to listen to me talk about Chester are starting to get tired of it (I don't blame them, they aren't really LP fans), so I'm glad there's still somewhere I can express how I feel. Thank you <3
Without the community I would not know how to deal with it. But if you listen to one, it helps a lot. thanks for that.
Today has been hard....really, really effing hard. For the past 10 years this day has been hard, TODAY has been a me curled up in the fetal position until my kids woke up kind of day and when they did..they wanted to hear his voice.......it was harder than I imagined possible But, I'm here.....I'm breathing.....I spent a bunch of time reading over people's memories of Chester....and for the first time in almost a week I smiled a bit, thinking of the lives this man touched. Seeing how we're all here together honoring his legacy. In a strange way, it's given me hope that things are going to be okay.
I'm happy for you. You were able to smile and that's a lot. One day at a time. I cried but I also smiled
I was stunned to be honest, but short a time as it was, maybe a few minutes at most..it felt good. One of our local radio djs has been saying how he's been trying to listen to the music and remember how much he loves it and focus on that and how much he loves the band rather than what happened....I think I'm going to try that today, too.
I think these are very healthy thoughts. I'm trying this too. Is it mornin where you live ? Because here it's night and in about 2 hours I'm trying to win the battle with the night
T This was so beautiful Amanda! Seriously. The bit about the heaven and earth pressing down on our lungs... I can't think of a moment when that weight was lifted, since Jul20th... But yeah... We will heal. We must find the strength to want to continue. Like so many people on this forum have already said, Chester would not want us to go on a self-wrecking spree. We have to do this for him. No matter how hard it's gonna get.