Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

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    Welcome to the forums, Stacy. Sending you a big hug, we're here to help each other.

    I'm gonna try to get some sleep... I don't think I've managed to sleep more than 2-3 hours per night since what happened... And I always end up having some weird dreams...
    I hope you can all get some rest later on, I'll be back tomorrow :')
     
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  2. Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    Haha, I appreciate that, @Carla. Not sure if I am qualified to be a therapist. I try to speak from the heart, and use some of my training from active listening and emergency workshops when I was a Resident Assistant to help me connect with people and help them get help for their problems.

    Don't view it as a mistake, @Lynn. You wanted to know what happened, and it just ended up impacting you in a negative way. That is okay - you simply need to move on from that and do what you need to do to address your grief. Whether that be distracting yourself with an activity, spending time with people that you love, talking to a therapist, etc. There are many ways to help you handle your grief.

    I will be okay - thank you for asking. This has been hard for me too, but it makes me feel better to talk to you all and to offer my help. Being a source of positivity and support helps me. And anything else I'm dealing with in my life is fairly separate from this, and not really appropriate for this thread, but I will be okay there too. I appreciate you reaching out in that way - it means a lot.

    I am glad you can see how you can help people, but don't let that be the sole source of finding self worth. You are a beautiful person regardless of what you say here, and you are capable of doing so much in life. I send you all the affirmation in the world, so that you know that there is nothing that dictates your worth. By existing, you have worth, and value, and importance, and meaning. Don't ever forget that.

    Empathy is a huge component of grief. I know exactly how you're feeling. Knowing that Chester was suffering so badly, and now that his family, the band, and all of their friends and fans are suffering too - it hurts quite a bit. Pain from empathy hurts, but it is important and it shows that you have a huge heart, @Blake.

    We look forward to having you back here tomorrow, @Lynn. Take care and get some rest.

    Thank you, Carla. We wish you the same - we love you!

    @Doridorica - No, I am not a professional therapist - I have some training but am not a certified professional. As I told Carla, I speak from the heart and use empathy to connect to people who are suffering. I am simply trying to be a guiding and comforting voice for as many people as possible. And yes, I am hurting as you all are, but it helps to spend that energy on being helpful to you all in any way possible.

    Suicide is among the toughest things in life for anyone to comprehend or understand. This, on top of the fact that many people don't quite understand how we feel because they categorize Chester as a "celebrity" who is somehow separate from us and not worth our energy, can amplify the grief we are feeling. As I've told others, we experience grief when we lose something or someone that meant a great deal to us - and if you acknowledge what Chester and Linkin Park have meant to you, then that is all the validation you need to feel the way you are feeling. If the people you interact with in daily life don't understand, that's okay. Come here, where you know everyone understands and is going through the same thing. That is what you, as well as the rest of us, need right now.

    Grieving makes us feel stuck, so maybe you need to try different things. Maybe you need distractions, or need to spend your energy on productive or expressive activities. Maybe you go for a run or work out in some way (as Carla suggested). All of these things may help break you out of the cycle you feel you're stuck in. In doing so, you don't ignore or forget what happened, but you don't let it consume you. You use that energy to do good things. Try it out and see if it helps, and if you need to, seek some professional help and talk to somebody. And of course, you can always talk to us. If you need it, feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk about it more. I promise, though, that it gets better and that you will overcome. We all will. And we love you and understand you!

    Thank you for sharing this advice, Carla. Very valuable!

    There are any number of reasons why you could have had that panic attack, and at this time that you are grieving for Chester's loss, it is easy to make associations between that and what happened with Chester. If I were you, I would seek medical help and discuss your panic attack if this is the first time that's happened.

    As far as your depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are concerned, I implore you to seek professional help and to talk to somebody. These are not problems or experiences you have to struggle with alone. If you seek help and talk to somebody about this, I promise you that it can only get better. Know that we love you, and that the world is better with you on this Earth than without you. There is too much love, too much happiness, and so much more that the world has to offer you - don't take that away from yourself. Talk to somebody and get the help you need. There are also multiple hotlines available if you need to talk to someone right away. Please take care of yourself, @silentstruggle. We want what's best for you!

    @Derek, I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me to hear you speak so openly about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Please do not feel ashamed, embarrassed, or remorseful for sharing them. What Chester's death has reminded us of, and as your story does too - demons can haunt us for the entirety of our lives. Sometimes we never escape them, and for many, we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, feel that the world is out to get us, and that no one cares about us, all at the same time. You are not alone in the way you feel, even though your suffering, grief and anguish must feel so deeply isolating and lonely. To share that with us takes courage and strength - which I implore that you continue to rely on in the coming days, months and years.

    I don't know if you have ever sought out therapy, but I get the sense that so much of this is unresolved for you. Losing a father, losing friends, and feeling like there is no one out there for us - all of those are horrific, horrific feelings. And I want you to know how sorry I am for what you've gone through and how you are feeling. If you haven't, I ask that you not just talk to people like us about these things, but that you talk to a professional about these feelings. There is so much help that you can get, so much you can share, so much that you can overcome - by getting the help that you need.

    As I've told others who have been so honest and courageous to express that they have thought about taking their own lives at some point: I want you to know that we love you, we respect you, and that we admire you. As I've told others, and as I strongly feel about when it comes to you, this world is better with you in it than without you. You helped create a community that has impacted so many people, that has brought so much of us together. At this time, so many of us are struggling with Chester's passing and feel like no one else in our lives understands what we are going through. But the LPA is here for us, and you are a big part of the reason for that. No matter how hard life gets, no matter how alone you feel, you are not and have never been alone. You have positively impacted our lives, as I hope we have all in some way positively impacted yours.

    Your fears, insecurities, anxieties, and depression are not impossible problems to solve - you can find closure, resolution, and strength in seeking help for these issues. Please continue to share with us how you are feeling, but more importantly, talk to a professional if you have not already done so. I promise you, as I confidently promise everyone - this gets better. We are here for you and we are always by your side. No matter what.

    Please message me privately if you need to. As always, I am here for you and happy to talk any time.

    @Tony V - Thank you for sharing this. I agree with everything you've said, and I appreciate you sharing your own experience. It's important to emphasize how unique and personal suffering and grief can be for all of us. While all of us feel alone and enter vicious cycles as a result, we are never alone, and someone out there knows how we feel and someone out there can help us. Such important things to bring out, so thank you for doing that. I hope that life has been good to you, and I hope you know that this community loves you and is at your side as well.

    This. All of this. Thank you so much for saying this, @Minus. You are absolutely right.
     
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  3. Blake

    Blake Leave a Trace LPA Super Member

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    In life, music is the biggest part of my life. It always has been since Jr. High where it surpassed Videogames, Television, Skatebaording, Water avtivities, and more.

    In life if I'm not hanging out with friends, I want to be listening to music 24/7. However, a lot of that was listening to music while doing other sctivities.

    Ever since Thursday I just want to sit around doing nothing but belting out to my favorite Linkin Park songs and do nothing else on top of that.

    I know it will pass because I have two concerts coming up and Neck Deep's new album comes out August 8th which I'm super excited for but it's just weird to want to do nothing but sit here and screaming louder than I have ever screamed to Linkin Park songs.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2017
  4. Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    @Memory123 - What you are expressing is so much like how others are feeling. People are shocked and in disbelief. They can't fully understand or appreciate why they are as distraught and devastated as they are. They feel misunderstood, and that no one in their lives really gets why this has impacted them so much.

    I ask that you share your grief with us here, and not to expend your energy on people who cannot understand or relate. If you've tried to let them into your world and it has not been successful, then your energy is better spent here with people who know exactly how you feel. Please know we get you, and that we love you and are here for you.

    I am sorry to hear about your best friend and about losing him to suicide. I have been through that myself, and it is such an impossible ordeal to deal with. Please know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk about that, as are we all.

    And do not apologize. You are not overthinking anything - this is all normal, and it is human. And don't feel guilty - we never fully appreciate the people in our lives until they are gone. We are creatures caught up in our moments. To feel this way is human, but don't let guilt consume you. Just remember all of the things you appreciated and all of the good times you experienced. It helps. And know that this gets better - I promise.

    Yeah, that interview hits hard - and I am sure for so many of us who have dealt with any major depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or other forms of mental illness, that the interview resonates. It's normal to relate to him, because as Tony said, it's you realizing your own thoughts. But like I said before, you should get some professional help, @Derek. If this video helps you see your own thoughts in the mirror, then it's as good a time as any to act on them and get yourself on the path to feel better.

    I agree with you, Tony. Definitely act on this, @Derek. Get some help. We are here and we are supportive.

    I think everyone goes through moments in life where are own thoughts can be detrimental, or make us feel bad. They don't necessarily have to be suicidal, as you say. It is important to distinguish between feeling really down, and actually experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts. In either case, seeking out therapy and professional help is the best thing you can do.

    Right on the money again, @Minus. Absolutely.

    I'm glad you feel this way, Derek. I also hope that you can get the help you need and feel even better.

    I am sorry that you are dealing with anxiety, OCD, and lacking self-esteem. Those are incredibly tough things to deal with, and I hope that you have found or will seek help for those issues. We appreciate you sharing such deeply personal things with us - it means a lot.

    I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, @YoMarques. Grief can send us into our own downward spirals, but your story shows that getting help can be the best thing to do - and that we shouldn't be afraid to seek it out. Thank you for sharing that with us.

    And I think that's the story of this whole thread. We feel alone, but we are not alone. We are more the same than we ever realize right away.

    This goes out to everyone who has ideated suicide or has experienced suicidal thoughts. Please talk to us, please talk to someone you love, and seek help. I'll type this until my fingers fall off: the world is better with you in it than without you. And we love you, so much.

    @Stacy - You are experiencing what so many others are. Chester and this band have meant so much to you, and naturally, some people aren't going to understand that. That's why it was so important for you to share that with us. This is a community who gets you, and knows exactly how you're feeling. You are not being silly, you are being human. Sadness, anger...all of those can overwhelm us but are natural stages of grief that we must and can overcome. I'm sorry to hear about the awful things you have been through, but I am glad that Chester and Linkin Park's music have helped you through. I hope that there are people in your life that you trust who can help you, or that you have sought professional help for your struggles. I promise you that this gets better, but do what you need to do to process your grief and to get the help you need. Please know we are here for you, and that we love you - as does your family.
     
  5. SashaSkyward

    SashaSkyward Member

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    I joined this forum yesterday with the full intention of posting my feelings. As always, typical me, I didn't. I've always been the shy and quiet one. I'd rather observe people than say anything. I've been lurking around LPA for YEARS now (my earliest memories of reading this forum were the ATS puzzles way back when). I was just on the outside looking in. Yet, even though I wasn't a part of the discussions or had an account or anything, I still felt like I was a part of this. Like I was a part of something. I'm soso sad that this is what it took for me to finally join. To finally say something. And even now it's really hard to bring myself to post anything just because of how I am.

    When I heard the news I let out the most agonizing sound I've ever heard myself make. The noise that I made, and the sobbing I did after, haunt me when I think about it. I'm not a loud person. I'm the opposite of loud. People usually have to ask me to repeat myself when I talk to them. This was loud though. My mom held me as I sobbed and she cried with me. She loves this band too and she knows how much it means to me. How much this band and Chester shaped me into the person I am today. I was still in the single-digits when I (well...my neighbor and my older brother) discovered them. My mom and I talked about how much we were gonna miss him. I had work that night and when I'm working I listen to music (shh don't tell) and it was so hard listening to them. Grief is an interesting thing. I'm reading about everyone who can't listen to them right now, which is 100% understandable. But it seems like the only thing I want to listen to is them. I don't know if it's just making things harder for me or not.

    I described how I was feeling yesterday to my best friend pretty well. At first it felt like someone punched me in the chest. And kept doing it. Over and over. And they just didn't stop doing it. Now they've punched right through my chest and they still won't stop. They're just punching that hole and I still feel that weight but at the same time it feels so empty.

    I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. But it's nice to get it off my chest. It's comforting to read all of your comments and all of the replies and know that I'm not alone. That what I'm feeling is justified. So I suppose that I should be thanking all of you for saying exactly what I'm feeling. At the same time I'm so very sorry that you're all feeling that way too.

    I never saw them live. I was supposed to go see them on August 5th. I was counting down the days, so excited. Now it hurts so much.
     
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  6. Priscilla

    Priscilla New Member

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    Really? I'm really glad to reading this. ✨
     
  7. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    Wow. That's exactly the same thing I'm feeling too.
     
  8. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    It's so weird. I just woke up about half an hour ago and falling asleep was freaking me out. I've had that rapid heartbeat it almost felt like my chest is going to explode... somehow I managed sleeping but I dreamed of him. Don't know what I dreamed but I know I did cause I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew it back then. Now in the morning this heavy feeling in my chest is back again and I read everything that was written here during the night. I will try do not think unhealthy thoughts today, not to analyze and not to overthink- just as you angels told me/us to. Trying to feel pleasure when something good is happening and trying achieve something. This show called life must go an. It hurts so much tho and it still doesn't feel right when I'm talking bout moving on but what more should I do.
     
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  9. Carla

    Carla Well-Known Member

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    Well done for opening up. It's obviously a hard thing to do. Now we can offer you support too.
     
  10. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    @Louis, even though you aren't certified professional it seems like you are, what you say makes a lot of sense. Don't forget to look after yourself while helping us, it's easy to get involved into other people's problems to forget you own and forget to take care of yourself.
    Even though I have some knowledge of suicide the act scares me and it's still unbelievable and there are so many questions going around in all our heads. The hardest thing for me is (was) to accept that he's really gone, stop being in denial (still am sometimes) and when I fully accept that, I'll be able to heal. At least that's what I think. This was like a punch in the chest, sudden and unexpected so we must be feeling like this. My uncle was slowly dieing for 2.5 months and we begged death to take him in the end, he didn't look like a man I knew anymore. Even though I go back and forth now with all these feelingsnof sadnsss, despair, happiness, guilt I'm sure I, as well as others, will be ok. No matter how much time it takes, we'll get through this. If I dealt with serious stuff before and managed to get out (mostly alone), I'll do it again. I have this place and all of you now. It hurts so much to know that that's it, happy memories related to LP are gone but one day, and I hope soon, I'd like to go back to their videos and interviews and be able to laugh and enjoy them, to remember Chester as a positive, sweet, kind and funny man he was. The man had so many problems but always remained positive in all public appearances. The hardest thing while watching those interviews will be not to fall back into denial again.
    Anyway, I promise I'll try to change some things, try sth new, break the circle even if it means using and mastering a reasoning technique although I'm not sure it works in a situation like this.
    For the first time since this happened I had a nightmare that woke me up. Luckily it was morning so it was time to get up. A lot of people, myself included, were in a large hotel with a lot of stairs (most of my nightmares happen in a large hotel which is sometimes empty sometimes not and it includes running away and stairs). We were all yelling and trying to get away from Daleks and Cybermen (DW fans will understand) who were shooting and talking in that metal voice. I was about to go down the stairs to the basement, looking around to see if there are no enemies when I woke up. It's related to this situation but luckily it wasn't too scary.
    @Lynn, we both feel the same way about feeling guilty for being happy but my rational part of the brain which works when I'm sane and don't fall into negative circle, tells me that we can't be miserable for a very long time. We have to move forward because that's what life is about: living it to the fullest remembering and cherishing the memory of people who aren't here for the good they did, all that made them human and how they made us better people. There's no point in feeling bad for being happy, it doesn't mean you're forgetting, it means looking after yourself like you should and that you decided to remember Chester for all the nice things he did and what a great man he was.
    p.s. you can say I'm full of bulls* later because it's easier to talk like this when my sane part of the brain is working but we all have to try really hard to get better and we will, eventually.
    @Derek, even though I haven't been here long and don't really know you i somehow feel obligated to tell you thank you for writing your thoughts down because it's obvious how hard it was for you to open up. If you feel like you need help, don't hesitate to reach out and talk to a therapist and here of course.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2017
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  11. polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    I understand, I have the same trouble too, by the time I got close with my friend... High school was over.

    But you know something , we're still really close to this day, so we have our whole lives ahead to be friends. There's no reason to beat yourself up about it, opening up to people takes a different amount of time for different people. I'm glad you took that step now, nice to meet you :)
     
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  12. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    At the moment I don't really manage to feel better. It's raining and I heard "heavy" on the radio. I just want to get rid of that feeling in my heart that seems to tear it apart. I don't know how. I'm trying. How're you feeling today? Hope you're better.
     
  13. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    I'm ok, can't say really good or happy but decided to finally stop all these negative thoughts and use reasoning technique. I even managed to smile
    this morning looking at that "Chester is in the sky singing" photo on another thread. Whenever a negative thought appears I say stop, think about sth else, think about the concert and M&G you went to a month ago (it will be exactly 1 month tomorrow), think about Scotland, hell I even think about my job that is both tiring and great at the same time. Yes, it's difficult and yes, I fall into negative circle but no matter how many times it doesn't work, sometimes it does. Try to get your mind off things, give it a rest, make it think about sth else, give yourself a chance to experience positive feelings. It's not a bad thing and it doesn't mean you're a bad person.
     
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  14. Caique Soares

    Caique Soares Member

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    I've got this big fucking ball of pain in my throat sticking out my chest. That suffocates me...

    I haver this dream, About waking up at July, 19. In this dream, i visited the LPA and everthing is okay. The last post show me The last show of the Europe turne. I remember to think something like “The things are slow here, a need something new". But everthing is fine...

    My biggest dream whrite now. Finds someone to takes me at July,19
     
  15. maria

    maria New Member

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    Hi guys. I'm a new member, I joined this morning because I needed a place to talk about Chester and found my way to LPA. I have been reading the posts here, and it is helpful. Like others have expressed, it is hard to find people who understand why this is as difficult as it is. Sending a lot of love and support to the people who started this thread, and who are replying, it is a brilliant thing you guys are doing.
    I have so much respect for Chester for talking about his life as openly as he did, to my mind people who are dealing with childhood trauma, dealing with depression and addiction are true heroes because I can understand how constant and unrelenting the battle is, and how much it requires to be constantly vigilant of your thoughts and your emotions. I can also understand how when things are looking up, and you're trying to fight the battle is when the voices fight back hardest, and in new unexpected ways.
    Chester came across as someone genuine, funny, sensitive and kind, and we will always need people like that around. I hope that he was at least at some point in his life able to feel these things about himself, feel that they were true, and that he deserved to be here and made the world better for others.
    I have been for the past year or so trying to push myself to express my needs and my feelings more, to friends and through journaling, because I feel that is how negative thoughts and beliefs get brought to the surface and challenged. For the past month, I have been falling behind, and isolating myself a little. This is a push for me to "get back in the game" so to speak.
    Much love to you guys for being here and listening/sharing!
     
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  16. Lynn

    Lynn Well-Known Member

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    I get you, my friend. The hardest part is realizing that nobody can ever turn back time.
     
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  17. Stacy

    Stacy Member

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    I've been listening to every album on repeat. I have a hard time listening to HEAVY but I get thru it along with tears. Their music has helped me cope before and it's helping a little but it's a weird feeling that there won't be anything new to listen to in the coming coming years.... Even if they do carry on, if they find a new member who kinds maybe sounds like Chester.... No one could write like him or convey emotion thru lyrics the way he did.
     
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  18. barush

    barush Active Member

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    How's everyone doing today? I've just started tearing up while grocery shopping and got a couple weird looks from people. Also, I woke up with "Where'd you Go?" in my head. Haven't heard that song in years.
     
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  19. Forfeit to Break

    Forfeit to Break Well-Known Member

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    Same for me, I keep thinking I really fucking wish I could somehow go back a week and then do whatever it takes to get the message out that Chester cannot be left alone on Chris' birthday, make sure some of his friends or family look after him, fuck even somehow travel there and break into his house if need be. Anything to stop him being alone.
     
  20. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    We all wish we had a time machine to travel back to Wednesday night and I totally understand where you're coming from but those are dangerous thoughts that make you go into circle of bad behaviour/thought. I strongly suggest to try and make those thoughts go away when they appear, make yourself busy with something, tell your mind to stop (sth that I've been doing whole morning) and have a conversation with yourself about sth else (no, it's not crazy to talk to yourself). These are difficult times and we're all responsible for our thoughts but negative ones should be stopped. It takes time to stop them bjt practice makes perfect.
     
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