So, this was in a creative writing book, as an exercise for developing realistic conversational writing skills. Since I need work on writing believable conversations, I tried it. Basically, you make two characters, and you have them talk to each other, only like a script type format. Here's what I wrote. CAUTION: There is quite a bit of language in this that might not be suitable for younger audiences, or those who may be offended by such language. You have been warned. Tex: You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me! Barney: What the hell are you screamin' about now, asshole? You're gonna wake up the whole fuckin' neighborhood! Shut the hell up! Tex: Don't tell me to shut the hell up! You shut up! Seriously, I'm pissed off right now, and if you want to still have teeth to eat your pancakes tomorrow morning, just shut up. Barney: Well what the fuck's wrong? Tex: Gee, where should I start? This morning, I go into work, right? Then, this asshole of a new manager, transferred from the store in Ocoee... Well, he comes in, starts bitchin' about how "no one's got any fucking work ethic at all." So, you know how hard I work to get that fuckin' paycheck, right? Well, I look at him, and all I say is "listen man, I don't know how things are run where you used to work, but you know what? Here, we don't like being called lazy. Just sit down, do your job, and let us do ours." Barney: Makes sense to me. Tex: I know, right? So, he goes up to his office, and I see, like, you know, those windows where the manager can see down to the bottom level? Well, he's on his computer, probably jacking off. So, I head out to the loading dock and wait on the truck to come in. Long story short, it comes, and as I'm getting that first pallet of boxes off of the damn truck, that asshole comes over and tells me to get my ass inside. Barney: What for? Tex: Just wait man, it gets good. So, I go inside, and he just slaps down this form. I'm like "man, what the fuck is this?" He goes "oh, this? This is stating that you're going to take a cut in wages for the next month and a half because you disrespected your superior." I literally blew, man. Because, all I told him was to do his job, he's taking money from me? I mean, he had JUST come in, and I mean, like, I was the only one who really had been able to clock in. So, I just sign off on it, because, you know, I don't wanna cause any trouble. Barney: So that's the whole thing? The whole damn reason you're waking up my fucking neighbors? Tex: That's not totally it. Just listen and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay? Barney: Okay, damn. Jesus Christ. Tex: So, halfway through the day, some jerkoff comes in, asking for a wheel that we DON'T have, at all. I mean, the whole chain doesn't even own one of these damn things, period. I tell him we don't carry it, and he just sits there and yells at me. So, I call out the manager. The manager tells the guy we don't have the wheel. The guy literally takes his board that he just bought, like this, and WHAM! He hits that shit right on the counter. And when one of those boards breaks right in front of you, the splinters are a bitch. They hurt. So, the first thing I did was I jumped the counter, and before even the security guy could get him, I had this asshole pinned. The manager tells me afterwards that he's going to make sure that I'm rewarded. So he tears up that form. Barney: That sounds pretty fair. Tex: Yeah, it was. But get this. The asshole calls in and files a complaint with the store, saying I assaulted his ass for no reason, just because he wanted a wheel. Barney: For fuck's sake, what the hell man? Tex: I know. So now I'm either going to court, or I'm going to have to pay the guy money each month for "pain and suffering" that's fucking non-existent! Barney: You know what? Tex: What? Barney: Quit your job. Period. Quit your job. Tex: Fuck no, I'm not quitting! Barney: Look at it this way. You won't have to pay the guy. Tex: Yes, I will, dipshit. And, on top of that, I'll be broke. Barney: Bummer. Tex: All that, and all you have to say is bummer? Barney: Sorry. BIG bummer.
Hahahaa, I was a bit confused with parts of it, but I was quite amused. And I could actually imagine someone having this conversation and being pissed about it. ...Where did you get the idea/inspiration to write this? Very interesting. I liked it, in an odd sorta way.
Well, the idea is a major meshing of several things. The biggest portion was my musing on what would happen if you had a new jackass boss who thought no one did any work at all, and that he was a hotshot. The second part, which was pretty big as well, was the idea of a lunatic getting pissed off about something that wasn't sold or didn't exist. Other than that, I just threw in a bunch of "what would I do?" stuff, and some hopefully realistic dialogue, and in about half an hour, this emerged. I dunno, I might rework it and actually make something out of it. Who knows, I might actually make a little independent film out of it.
I like this kind of storytelling. It's very reminiscent of how stories are told to friends in real life. I know I talk like this all the time. Kudos, dude.