Been Down//My first rock/rap song

So far I've revised this song twice. It's kind of a depressant song.
(EXPLICIT LYRICS STARRED OUT)


(Verse I)

First things first/I'll go an extra verse/
just to prove to you I hafta f**kin' curse/
this world's f**ked up with masculine nurses/
when i'm done wit you, you'll be lying
in the back of a hearse/you won't be breathing,
but you will be bleeding/this is my moment,
i'm ready, n i'm leadin' Done Deal to the top,
tryin to be the number 1 name in hip-hop/

(Chorus)

I been down, to long to see the light/
I think about killing myself every day n night/
But it's so hard to find a place in life/
A place where you fit in right/

(Verse II)
To make things worse/
I'ma bout to disperse away from myself/
with rhymes that are so ill, you just might hafta kill yourself/
and if you don't believe in yourself, try believing in someone else/ (like me)
Cause I know you've been down on yourself/
You should relax and not be so hard on yourself/
So just listen to the words of this song/
Instead of flippin birds at the a$$holes you know who are wrong/

(Chorus)

I been down, to long to see the light/
I think about killing myself every day n night/
But it's so hard to find a place in life/
A place where you fit in right/

(Verse III)

Why must you mock me/
My b***h isn't the one who sucks c**k free/
Everything I do seems to be done illegally/
But I've been down, to far to see/
Every obstacle ahead seems to be facing me/
I can't go a day without cursing frequently/

(Chorus)

I been down, to long to see the light/
I think about killing myself every day n night/
But it's so hard to find a place in life/
A place where you fit in right/


(Verse IV)

I WANNA F**KIN KILL/
BECAUSE THE PAIN IM FEELING INSIDE IS SO ILL/
I WANNA F**KIN KILL/
RIGHT NOW IM UNABLE TO F**KING CHILL/
I WANNA F**KIN KILL/
I'LL FIGHT BACK WITH THE REST OF MY MIGHT AND WILL/
GO THE F**K AWAY/
DON'T STAY ANYMORE/
JUST GO THE F**K AWAY/
JUST GO THE F**K AWAY!!!!/

(Chorus)

I been down, to long to see the light/
I think about killing myself every day n night/
But it's so hard to find a place in life/
A place where you fit in right...

 

wow that is some cool #### man

 

you serious, thankz dude

 

this song is so tight

 

thanks again, i never thought my first rock/rap song would be this good

 

Not bad.

 

yo, dude.. thats sick!

 

ty ty

 

Yes i am serious

 

Yes i am serious [/b][/quote]
lol

 

its amazing man, keep tweaking it, it isnt 100%, mayby about 90

 

I like it! 4/5!