Finalized. Most grammar/spelling errors fixed. Please comment and/or make suggestions. 'Bear' Me a 'Little' Longer. A short story By Jesse Booker From the rear view mirror it sat in the back seat of our mini van while staring at me with its apathetic and somehow accusing eyes. In the center of its brown fluffed chest existed a small red glass heart. (That had lighted and jingled a cheery (eerie) tune when you pressed the button on its left hand.) The thing seeming to look at me was a teddy bear. I had bought it for my daughter when she was four years old. She's six now. She had instantly taken an attachment to that Teddy and she and it were inseparable. It was as if it were her soul and if it had somehow got lost she'd just simply stop. Like a clock that has batteries but broken hands, she'd keep on ticking but she'd still be lifeless. Away would be her energetic smiles and her curious pondering questions. She'd be a breathing sponge and quiet fly collector. Yes, if separated she'd be away.Abracadabra, now you see her, now you don't. When I had bought it I had thought that it was kind of cute with its "W" shaped smile. With that it looked gentle and warm and non threatening. But it was only when you looked it in the eyes you that felt that something was wrong with it. Something not right. A strange sensation would cloud up your thoughts and dig into them. Those eyes were an abyss, they were lunacy and if you sometimes stared too long you'd start to get the feeling, the knowledge, that its eyes were death. "Mommy?" Rachel asked. I responded reluctantly "What is it Rachel? Mommy's trying to concentrate on driving" "When we get home, can I watch TV or a DVD?" her sweet voice asked "If you let Mommy concentrate you can" I replied in my best parenting voice. When I had finished the word "can" I noticed some movement in the mirror, almost unnoticeable but impossible to not notice. The black eyes of that Teddy bear were shining, and in them there was a glee, a horrible terrible, murderous glee. All of a sudden the head lights to our caravan (mini van) (Coffin it's a coffin) went out. They didn't fade. They were just gone. There one second and not the next. I quickly thought that I'd better call my husband John and let him know, but when I reached for my cell phone it was gone too. Quickly I tried to think of what I should do, should I stop the engine or should I keep going, should I push a little further or quit while I was ahead. Those thoughts seemed endless, and before I even had a chance to come to a decision I was driving down a ditch, and deep into the darkness where forest trees could be mistaken for execution poles. The van went rolling down the steep slope of the ditch at a frightening speed, the only thoughts racing through my head then were "Let it be over" and "Let her be alright". Out tof the window I could see the splashing water in the dirt made by the cars thunderous thrashing around, it reminded me of last nights storm and then I thought about the shingles on the roof of the small house we lived in that needed replacing. It was the reason why I'd left so god damn late at night, because of last nights rain and how it had kept leaking into our living room, dripping on the TV, like tapping fingernails.(Tapping into the edge of my sanity, dripping through the fabric of reality, pulling me and pushing me away, insane.) As the van went deeper and slowed down a bit it rotated on it's hood about 60 degrees. It then crashed into one of the many trees that loomed over impossibly errect like giants with mangled spinach green fur for hair, thus breaking any thoughts that I was holding onto before. The windshield shook and crackled from the impact of the crash but it didn't break. I looked towards it and saw that it was blanketed in a dark spongy mud that slithered down the collasping glass. The light above the rearview mirror was on and in the now mossaic windshield I could see the reflection of the Teddy Bear, I closed my eyes. That's all that I can remember from the accident because after the moment I opened my eyes again the next thing I noticed was that I was out of the van. I was out in the stinky dirt and sweat was pouring down my skin. I just stood there for a while in total confusion, I didn't remember opening the door or anything. Still I was just glad that I was alive. Thanking God, thanking whoever. What ever. But I realized soon that my thanks would not be appreciated. This realization was caused by the other realization that Rachel was NOT out of the van. She was still in there with that Teddy Bear. I walked closer to the van and tried to open the right passenger door. It was locked. They all were. I thought "Did I lock the doors?, I couldn't have locked the doors. Why would I fucking lock the doors. I didn't lock those doors, I know. But if not me, then who?" I saw the bear through the windows, that shine in its abyss of eyes deeper. I had to pull my own eyes away. I then saw Rachel, her head was bleeding, her hand was grasping the leg of the bear. It's "W" mouth went on smiling. I hit at the door, kicked at the door, threw a huge rock at the door. Its window broke, seeming to vomit broken glass inside the van. I unlocked the door. When I opened the door I thought I saw Rachel's hand move and so I leaped into the van and put a hand to one of her veins to check her pulse. There was no rhythm to her, nothing now but a fading warmness that would soon be as cold as a winter hail shower. She was dead. Her hair was matted with blood from the impact of hitting the head rest to the seat in front of her. She was dead, my daughter, my child, I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. I had too. The Teddy Bear went on smiling it's knowing smile, and then it's hands raised over head and it's arms outstretched in a hugging gesture. As if it wanted to comfort me. To hold me in my grief. And then it said some words, I can't be completely sure. I think it said "Bear me a little longer. And that's the last thing I remember before screaming and I guess going into a temporary insanity because the next thing I noticed was that I was in a hospital bed. An oxygen mask was over my face and John was sitting next to me in a hard plastic chair. Atop the Television above my bed sat the Teddy bear. I could feel it staring at me. That mixed with the feeling of Johns hand holding onto mine from his chair on the side just made it worse. Some kind of children's program was playing on the TV, a turtle, a rabbit and a fox were trying to form a rock band. Helpless to not look I tilted my head and focused my eyes back on the Teddy Bear. It just sat staring at me just like it had in the caravan. Except now its eyes were accusing, knowing, and judging eyes. The bear seemed to be saying with its strange expression "You bought me, I killed your daughter. No, you killed your daughter. You bought me." I just lied down and stared at the stupid thing and after a while it's arms raised again or I thought they did. It wanted me to put up with it some more, to play murder. I screamed until I went into hysterics and that is when I passed out again. The End (Or is it?) Approximately 18 minutes.
Trippy? Not really. anyway any suggestions as to how to make it better? Also if you read the last two paragraphs you'd see that I added a new paragraph cause someone thought it had a too abrupt ending. So if you'd check that out. Thanks.
It's just really open to interpretation, I guess. Before you know it, the bear is alive ... or is it? I think you should flesh out the crash a bit more. I mean, what's there is good but ... be more in that moment, I guess. I'm never the best at critiquing, but, yeah, I really dig this whole concept.
Okay, if anyone would go back and read again.. (haha) I've made the crashing scene a tiny bit more describtive so if you'd comment on that.
there are parts where you repeat yourself but it still flows pretty well. it sort of has the appearance of a stream-of-consciousness piece, whether that was the case or not.
I do use repetition to try to capture emotion but maybe I should try new ways. Thank you for you're input Dean
I started to cringe when you said: "...after the moment I opened my eyes again the next thing I noticed was that I was out of the van. I was out in the stinky dirt and sweat was pouring down my skin..." Because I was expecting the stereotypical "AND THEN I WOKE UP!" thing, but you twisted it nicely, kudos for that. Overall though the stream of consciousness was good, there was a few times where the flow of it was disrupted, but nonetheless it worked fine. Personally I'm a fan of dramatic monologues, and this was a great piece, keep it up, Jesse.